By Joy Le Page Smith, MA, BCC
Years back Gary and I hired a man with great tree expertise to trim the trees about our home. We chatted frequently and he became a friend while beautifying our trees. He told of his “past life” as an executive with an office in a high rise within a big city.
While sitting at his desk one day he looked from his 7th floor window and saw a tree-trimmer at work. He thought, “That’s the life I want to live.” So after studying how best to do this earthy art, he started this new endeavor of trimming trees–and became superbly good at it.
Then a disabling accident found him depending on a doctor’s prescription for pain medications. He functioned well although everything about life was hard for him. Then came the time when opioids gained national attention due to their overuse by millions of people whose doctors were not closely monitoring the use of them. Many doctors, as well as our friend’s doctor, started warning their patients, as much as possible, about their prescription usage.
Our friend, now living on a “minimal amount” of the opioids as compared to what his doctor had permitted previously, found it far from adequate for managing his constant, agonizing pain. He called me, “Joy, I think as a chaplain you may be able to answer a question for me. What do you think God will do in my case if I take my life?”
I felt tremendous compassion for his plight. Then, without hesitation I told him that we have a merciful God, a loving God—and added that I believe we are to see our challenges on earth as opportunities to grow in our strength and through God’s help to be able to handle them. Yet, there are instances wherein a person has formidable pain and their back is against the wall to the point they can no longer tolerate living and breathing here on earth . . . some do make that final, momentous choice to end their life. Who can know if in that veracious moment the person takes his or her cause to the throne of God in prayer. I would like to believe that our Creator comprehends all and that person who is so sick goes straight into the loving arms of God. Yet, life is such a gift. And all judgement belongs to God.
Our friend was one who talked with us frequently about His love of Christ and of his prayers to be faithful. We prayed with hearts brimming with concern for him. Two years passed when we received a call informing us that our friend had ended his life.
Upon knowing of his choice I thought back on my words to him and prayed to always be helpful, not harmful. Still, in my heart of hearts, I want to believe he is in God’s loving arms and that we will see him again in Heaven. Clearly, there are sicknesses that some of us will never encounter. Therefore a circumstance such as I have written here, can only be judged by God.
When we are asked such a question as this man asked of me, we have to trust God to give us the words we need to speak. Hopefully what instantly comes to one’s heart is filled with love. It is far from easy to speak at such a time as this. We can help others in the most difficult times of their lives by making sure we listen well. We can be of infinite help by letting a person know we care deeply for them and believe in them. We can pray as we listen to them, intending to truly know where that person is coming from. During times when the hardest of all decisions is pounding hard at a person’s heart, we can trust the great care of the God who made us is beyond our comprehension and above our understanding.
If while reading this today you are contemplating suicide, please find a person to talk with; if not a professional or a pastor perhaps the best person to share your soul with will come to mind. Trust that thought and meet with them; tell that person, “I need to talk about something serious. Would you be the one person willing to hear a very challenging decision I could soon make?’
And, be sure to talk to God. Then, listen—because God wants to be in conversation with us. He wants very much to help us, His voice is often still coming from deep within us—often like a whisper. God can be our partner in life while here on earth. Trust Him.
When my soul is in need of help, I open the Bible to the book of Psalms and read for a while. Before long I see what I am meant to know right then. The Bible is a mighty and powerful book!
As I write today, I pray that each reader becomes a better listener of other’s. It is highly important to hear one another, especially in this digital age—as we are also more rushed than ever. Without a doubt, God has helped many of us within various hard places through prayer, reading Scripture, plus hearing strengthening words from others.
Life on earth can bring huge challenges, but God’s help is here for us on terra firma. Proverbs 18:10 say, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” The name of the Lord is Jesus. And, that name holds power far greater than any other name we could ever speak. When we ask, the Lord of heaven does hear and He can extend strength beyond any we could have had without His help. Trust it. Try it. Believe!
If you want to comment or tell your story, please do so below. It will be read and you will have my prayers. I will do my best to respond.
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Do not write a comment here if you are planning suicide. I cannot advise you. But I will do my best to respond to a request for prayer. As per other difficulties, my website at healingwith-Joy.com is full of writings intended to help. Copy and share freely, while crediting this website. Donates at my homepage will keep this work going.
I believe there are no “right words” for someone who is so tired of the fight, when so beaten down by life’s struggles, only a presence of a person who will listen and pray with them, with belief that they will crack open the protective wall of certainty that there’s no other way but to end this earthly existence, and allow the Lord in to shore them up with strength to live another day, to find purpose, that may override the pain. Bless you Chaplain Joy for your loving, Godly presence.
Chery, your words, ” . . . only a presence of a person who will listen and pray with them, with belief that they will crack open the protective wall of certainty that there’s no other way but to end this earthly existence, and allow the Lord in to shore them up with strength to live another day, to find purpose, that may override the pain,” are so right on. The titled I used to interest readers via social medical postings could take a reader a different direction than I intended, meaning they may think there are specific ways to respond with words to a person who says, “I am going to take my life.” One day I will write about my own time of “rubbing shoulders” with suicide. God stopped it mid-way–and I am ever so thankful for that. I told that part of my story in my first book titled, The Chaplain is in: Journey to Health and Happiness,” page 12. Thank you for the blessing you left within your comment. You are my great friend who makes a difference in my life perpetually. Thank you for all your prayers! You are in mine. Our friendship is wonderful. I pray you will one day write your amazing story!
I appreciate what you are saying about suicide and itis interesting that you would post this message at this time. Lately you might have noticed in the newspaper several very young people listed in the obituaries. No sickness was mentioned and I wonder how these individuals died. Was it suicide? My own brother shot himself and we had no idea that he was thinking about doing it.
It reminds me of an answer to the question someone asked Jimmy Evans, a leading end-times prophet, whether one who commits suicide makes it to heaven. In reply to this query, Jimmy Evans, said that Jesus paid the price for all sin, past, present and future, and that included suicide. He is speaking about people who have accepted Jesus as their Savior .I believe that your answer to this question attests to the mercy and love of God. Jesus is always the sole recourse. But humans are frail and sometimes doubt. God’s love is always there to meet us! The answer has given me comfort about my brother, who was saved, baptized in the Holy Spirit, prayed in tongues, etc. that he made it to heaven. My pastor wrote me to say that he believed that my brother was with Jesus.
Thank you for your insight into this matter. The most important decision is to accept Jesus in our hearts as our Lord nd Savior and trust Him to guide us through the Holy Spirit into all truth! May God continue to fill you with His wisdom.
Bertha, how wonderful it is to read your comment and believe you are at peace about your brother’s choice to end his life. I am sorry you had to experience that agony. Trust in God grows as we walk with Him and await His answers as we seek truth. A person is sick at heart when he or she takes their own life. When Jesus was here on earth He sought out those who were sick; healing was His daily work. This shows how much God loves and wants to help the sick. I have come to believe few who know Christ and read His word, gather with other believers regularly for growth and fellowship will take their own lives–except in instances of mental and emotional illness. A person can come to the end of themselves in these instances. I believe God catches us before we fall. That makes me think of the column I submitted yesterday for publication. It shows “we are not alone.” God and His angels are always with His own. I believe with all my heart God’s angels caught your brother as he “fell.”
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