NOTE: This site holds physical, emotional and spiritual help for people who are struggling to get clean, stay clean–and free from alcohol.
Power to Heal Opioid and Alcohol
Addiction Recovery Workbook
By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith, MA, BCC
The entire workbook is offered without charge. Why? Because I care about what has happened within the lives of readers who are seeking recovery from opioid or alcohol addiction. The cost of buying this workbook could keep people from having it to work through. For those who prefer, it is available in print for purchase on Amazon.com.
If the book has helped you, please consider donating at Healing-with-Joy.com (at the donation link on homepage). Doing so will help cover costs for continuing this ministry. But mostly— just know you are loved!
You will need paper and pencil (or pen) for entering your responses to workbook promptings. Or, feel free to print this blog entry so you have the entire workbook in hand. Please do honor copyright information extended at the bottom of this written tool. As you enjoy this gift, please share it with others crediting my website: Healing-with-Joy.com
Section 1
A new start — coming into “who you want to be”
David Sheff’s book Beautiful Boy, presents the sorrow and terror within a father’s fight for a son addicted to methamphetamine, who is having perpetual relapses.
“I am in a silent war against an enemy as pernicious and omnipresent as evil. Evil? I don’t believe in evil any more than I believe in God. But at the same time I know this: only Satan himself could have designed a disease that has self-deception as a symptom, so that its victims deny they are afflicted, and will not seek treatment, and will vilify those on the outside who see what’s happening.”[1]
This short quotation of David Sheff reveals it was the drug addition of his son that opened this father’s eyes to one of the worst evils of history. No doubt we cannot believe in a devil without also coming to believe “there is a God” (or “Higher Power,” if you prefer).
This workbook is written with a deep and wide belief in God—acknowledging that both good and evil powers are engaged and present on our planet. My intent is to carefully respect the beliefs of all readers while majorly focusing on their struggle against addictions. What I know is that God takes us just as we are.
Superb goodness is seen in our world. And, powerfully so within the fact there is amazing medical help available, along with plenty of easy-to-access informational resources. Another “good” is the protection to the general populace that can come through addressing the dreadful circumstances of drug and alcohol addiction full in the face.
This is a “good” that must come: confronting the stigma that keeps addiction in the shadows. Much can be done—and needs to be done—as addictions to alcohol and to opioids are often connected to untreated mental health conditions. Why is this happening? Because the stigma surrounding mental health conditions keeps people from seeking care. This societal ignorance is something we must outgrow! Schizophrenia and bipolar disorders are just as much a health problem as diabetes and cancers.
The reason the opioid epidemic is newsworthy is because so many fatalities are taking place when people use and relapse. Thousands of people are dying while trying to recover from addiction without including medication-assisted treatment (MAT), which is available—even covered by insurance! While completing this workbook, please also visit the SAMHSA website. Arm yourself with as much information and resources as possible.[2] https://www.samhsa.gov/
This workbook includes considerable emotional and spiritual help, but purposes to begin with life-saving information. Again, your best help in achieving recovery from addiction is to seek a medical provider in your area that prescribes medication-assisted treatment (MAT). The following zip locator will list health providers in your area: https://findtreatment.gov/locator
MAT is an approach that combines FDA-approved medications with counseling and other behavioral therapies to treat patients with substance use disorder (SUD). A personalized treatment plan ideally includes counseling and therapy. This will help you target your underlying reason for substance use, plus assist you in building strong coping skills for managing pain and stress.
No one can doubt that gaining recovery is one of the most difficult challenges. Yet the results are wondrous!
It’s like the creation of “new life.”
Section 2
It’s all about healing
The results you achieve while completing this workbook may astound you. It may even save your life.
Certainly, recovery is the goal. And, your determination coupled with the help of God (or, “Higher Power”) can bring the miracle of becoming the “who,” the “what,” the “how” and the “when” as you grow into the person you truly want to be.
Healing power is at hand, it will come from within you.
Invest in yourself. Set your goal to complete this workbook. This will initiate a new genesis of self. At the very least the effort will bring:
1) Pleasure of discovering your worth—the goodness within yourself and the “treasure of you” that can enrich the lives of others.
2) Discovering greater potential for health and freedom.
3) Gain a thorough understanding of yourself . . . while seeing clearly what your inner hungers are about.
4) A certainty that you will find that person you truly desire to be.
Section 3
The story of your addiction and how it all began
Write about when you started using an addictive substance. Include what was happening in your life at the time:________
Why did you decide to start in the first place:________
When did you know it was an addiction and a habit you couldn’t stop? ________
When did using become a problem for you?_______
You can write as much as you want or as little as you want. This work is exclusively yours, for your benefit only. No one needs to see your workbook, unless you choose to make exceptions by sharing it with another person.
If you wish to write more about your history with opioid or alcohol use, please do so, filling as many pages as you wish. Write until your soul feels finished.
This is YOUR story! Thank you for the honesty and the trust you are giving to your recovery!
Section 4
About regrets
We all have regrets—perhaps many. It is helpful to write about what you regret most about addiction. Please only write about one, if you write, here. Finish this sentence: My greatest regret about addition is:_______
From here, the best way to work with regrets and making amends—where possible—is to join either the AA 12 Steps Program, the NA 12 Steps program, or attend Celebrate Recovery meetings. Being with others while working through these two aspects of addiction recovery brings great benefits. One such benefit is that you will not be doing this work in isolation—you will feel “joined.”
If you aren’t ready for a group, you can also work through the 12 steps on the Internet. Here are two such sites:
Alcohol.org
help.lionrockrecovery.com
Section 5
Beginning anew!
Let hope arise! Completing this workbook will bring amazing empowerment for gaining the help you are seeking. Please do not stop this work until you have finished the entire workbook, as doing so will effectively support your desire to get free from your addiction.
Attaining a “new beginning” calls for determination. This resource you hold in your hands, will see you caring more deeply about yourself. You will be able to identify the goals you want to reach, while learning techniques for handling your own emotions. Achieving this work will powerfully motivate your resolve to recover from addiction.
If at points you begin feeling “well” and are tempted to lay the workbook aside, refuse to do that. Keep going.
Section 6
Identifying personal goals
Check as many as you like.
☐ Less depression
☐ Less anxiety
☐ Grow spiritually
☐ Gain better coping skills
☐ Increased self-esteem
☐ Feeling I belong
☐ No longer feeling like “I must earn my space (be somebody)”
☐ Feeling safe
☐ Feeling loved
☐ Feeling financially stable
☐ I want to learn how to forgive who and what hurts in life
☐ Reach full recovery
☐ Find amazing new friendships
☐ Find what your passion is
☐ For your life to become a pleasure to you, your adventure
☐ Trusting yourself
Write anything below that you find missing in the above:
Section 7
Know yourself better for good self-care
Finish these sentences:
Why do you think we are here on earth?______
What do you believe about life?______ (This could pertain to your religious preferences or to the philosophy you go by in life.
In a paragraph (or more) finish this sentence: I hope for:_______
List what you love______ (including “tacos and dogs”)
What has been the hardest part of your life?_______ (List more than one if you wish.)
As for me, one of the hardest parts of my life began 26 years ago, resulting in a challenge that was bigger than I was. My decision to become a clinical chaplain brought many changes. I signed up for what is called Clinical Pastoral Education, a year-long commitment in a 650-bed teaching hospital. I would be living away from home. The work meant I would be seeing and experiencing things that would pierce my heart over and over again.
There were nine of us who dedicated ourselves to serve in this way. We rotated, with each of us being on-call alone for 24 hours every 9th day. My first trauma was an eight-year-old boy who got up from the dinner table, took his father’s gun, went outside in the yard, knelt before a friend, and said, “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.” Then this child shot himself in the heart. I stood at his head and watched—praying—as the medical team did everything possible to save his life. Regardless, he died. About halfway into my year-long chaplaincy training, I was in the trauma center of this Phoenix hospital when I wrote on a scrap of paper in pencil:
A Chaplain’s cry for help
Lord, where are you?
You are here, I know . . .
But, I’m grasping to take ahold;
I’m losing my grip.
The gunman saved today
Will be on the streets tomorrow.
I’m saturated with the trauma,
The drug deaths, the senseless shootings.
Where are you, Lord? What help, am I,
A chaplain at their bedsides?
“My child, I am here. I am in the shooter.
I am in the dealer. I am in the user . . .
In the very breath they breathe.
Pray for my release. I await, there,
As your prayers are what I need.”
God is a seeker of hearts, desiring to become a part of our lives through prayer; He wants us to make our decisions in a way that blesses us and blesses others. We are the Beloved of our Creator who will not ask more of us than we are able to give. His support, will provide strength and empowerment to help us become all we can be in this life.
Section 8
Depression and anxiety
Depression is felt when we feel sad to the point of losing interest in the things that we have enjoyed in the past. When we are depressed, we feel bad and hardly anything seems appealing. This is a mood disorder that affects what we think, what we feel and how we behave. Depression can cause us to miss opportunities and play havoc with our relationships. It can affect our decisions and adversely influence friendships. Depression is “the pits.”
Lisa Firestone, Ph.D, writes, “People who suffer from depression often have intense “critical inner voices” that perpetuate feelings of unworthiness and shame. When we listen to this inner critic, we not only feel more depressed, but may also find it much more difficult to stand up to the depression . . . Sigmund Freud used to refer to depression as anger turned inward. While many people may regard this as an overly simplistic approach to the most common mental health disorder in the world, there is no doubt that anger plays a significant role in depression. As one study from 2016 found, when it comes to emotional disorders in general, the presence of anger has ‘negative consequences, including greater symptom severity and worse treatment response.”[3]
Do you recognize what Dr. Firestone says about “critical inner voices”? ☐ Yes ☐ No
Describe: How do you handle anger?
Circle number that best applies:
1) Gulp it down and fume;
2) turn it against yourself;
3) spew it out in angry words;
4) wait for a chance to get even;
5) handle it with an “I feel statement” (e.g., “I hurt when you stayed out all night without calling.”)
The upside down diagram on the next page shows how anger can be used to look deeper and discover the fear that is underneath the anger. It also shows how anger can help us get real about what’s actually hurting us. When we are angry we also have hurt. And, when we have hurt, we have anger. Beneath these emotions is fear. Healing comes when we look at the fear beneath these emotions. “Find the fear— and let go of the fear.” In life, it is important to understand the dynamics taking place within ourselves when we experience emotions.
Work with the following diagram when desiring to handle anger, hurt and fear in a healthy way.
It takes some persistence to learn the above pattern, as it is a new way of being. Always remember: “If you fail once, it does not mean you fail always.”
It is clear that repressed anger and sadness can play a significant role prolonging depression, at times, even causing it. Talking or journaling about anger and sadness helps to release the pain. This way you are not holding it all in. In the Addendum section of this workbook you will find an article on tears. This article carries a medical doctor’s understanding of how crying can actually help our bodies. Our bodies need to release a chemical that builds up when we are stressed. Tears carries that build up away when we cry. Think of it as cleansing.
Has depression been part of your life during recent years? ☐ Yes ☐ No
If yes, has this been a persistent problem throughout your life?______
Or, does depression come and go?______
Here, write all that you want to about your experiences with depression.______
Describe the hurt of depression—what does it feel like when it comes?
What percentage of your life do you estimate that depression has been a major influence?
What is the greatest loss you have experienced in your life due to depression?______
Some say, “If you don’t deal with your emotions, your emotions will deal with you.” This is true—and especially true of repressed anger. Some of us hold anger—as well as hurt and fear—inside. We gulp these down instead of knowing how to express them. Often, showing our emotions is considered a sign of weakness. That forces us to push them way down inside, pretending they are gone.
Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., says it well, “Many of the people I’ve worked with who struggle with depression also share the common struggle of turning their anger on themselves. As much as I try to help my clients express their anger rather than take it on and turn it inward, I witness first-hand how hard it often is for people to interrupt this process. It’s a challenge for them to recognize the nasty way they treat themselves; they are significantly more critical of themselves than they are of others.”[4]
You may ask, “How can I stand against depression?” By identifying the good in yourself and knowing this goodness is your truth. Acting against those critical inner voices, cause by anger turned inward, will include taking positive actions that help you feel better about yourself. For sure, it takes courage to push past depression and reach out to a friend or neighbor.
You have every right to care about yourself. Try choosing an enjoyable activity or pastime to share with another person. As Lisa Firestone puts it, “Being more social in life can be a powerful aid against depression. It takes courage to be honest with ourselves and others, saying, “I need help. Would you please help me get through this?”[5]
Depression and anxiety are often experienced together. When depressed, we know something very big is amiss in lives. So, this scares us. Life seems uncertain. It is hard to find out what causes the worry that accompanies so much of our thoughts. Sometimes panic attacks take place when apprehension is great. This can be so strong we think they are having a heart attack. The good news . . . the panic attacks can be stopped!
A person with anxiety may study the signs of a panic attack to learn more and become aware of how to stop one before it is experienced.
Eleven ways to stop a panic attack can be found at: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-a-panic-attack
There is absolutely no shame in having depression and/or anxiety. And, certainly there is no shame in experiencing a panic attack. Some people will have times of experiencing both of these difficult moods disorders at some points in life. It is part of being human.
Has anxiety been part of your life? ☐ Yes ☐ No
If “Yes” is your response, has anxiety been constant throughout your life, or does it come and go?_____
What percentage of your life do you estimate that anxiety has majorly influenced your life?_____
Here are three websites that offer help with depression, anxiety and other emotional struggles that interfere with recovery:
AZRecover.com
https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools
At the latter site, Mental Health America extends great opportunities to do self-testing with tools and is privacy protected.
Section 9
Health history
A brain injury can affect behavior, moods and lead to substance abuse.
For some, traumatic brain injuries (TBIs) happened as early in life as birth or as a baby. If you know or suspect this could be part of your health history, you may gain from viewing Dr. Daniel Amen’s Youtube at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esPRsT-lmw8
Daniel Amen, is a medical doctor who has written several books and designed programs that hold amazing findings as regards brain injuries and what can result from them.
Dr. Amen’s book titles include intriguing titles such as, Change Your Brain Change Your Life and Feel Better Fast and Make it Last. Other books and programs by Amen can be found at: https://danielamenmd.com/programs-books/
If you have experienced one or more head injuries, record these below:_____
If there were several, include your age with each occurrence as you write about these events______
List here any ways in which you think your health experience(s) may be affecting your addiction(s):_______
Section 10
Seek and build your support system
There is real value (both emotional and spiritual) in letting others witness your journey. A support group setting allows you to share the happenings of your life while surrounded with people who have compassion—as they know what you are going through. In this setting love has opportunity to flow.
Be sure to find a support group that is sufficient for your goal of good self-care. A support group that includes the help of a power higher than yourself is best of all.
This group will help you identify your own strengths while encouraging others in your group to be self-nurturing. Within the group, each can also safely share what helps with relaxation. (Section 11, titled “Building healthy coping skills.”) Hobbies, sports and activities can bring fun and excitement to your life in healthy ways.
During my past 25 years of mental health counseling, a tell-tale pattern became clear through observing the in-take paper work of hundreds of clients. An absolute recipe for a break down is seen when a person:
* does not know his or her strengths,
* does not have an adequate support system in place, and is doing nothing to nurture herself or himself.
Some people look for a solution in alcohol, illegal drugs, and/or inappropriate use of prescription drugs when they know a break down is coming (meaning they feel totally out of control and are greatly afraid). They self-medicate.
Self-medicating is dangerous, both physically and mentally. Instead, contact a medical health provider for treatment. When Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT) is included lives can be saved. With medication in place, normality can be restored without heading directly into the catastrophe of spiraling downward.
Describe your current support system______ (Please list one or two people who you can trust to talk with, telling anything to that person without fear of betrayal or manipulation.)
It is very important to know you must be selective as to the people you choose to be in relationship with. Ask yourself, “Are they trustworthy? Do they have the same or similar goals as mine? Do they care deeply about my values enough to honor my boundaries?”
Another aspect of selecting who you will trust involves determining if a potential friend self-medicates through using, or are they choosing to abstain from their addition?
Who would you like to add to your support team?_____
Be sure to be your own best support . . . doing good things for yourself.
List here some good things you are doing to nurture yourself:__ (See Section 11 titled “Building self-esteem for maintaining good self-care.” There you will find an list of nurturing activities that may even surprise you.)
Do you attend community support meetings, such as AA, NA, or Celebrate Recovery regularly? ☐ Yes ☐ No
If yes, how frequently do you attend?______
If no, please write why not______
Check here if you attend more than one community support group.
Do you attend church? ☐ yes ☐ no
Do you attend a club, or lodge? ☐ yes ☐ no
Are you a part of any group activities? ☐ yes ☐ no
List each current involvement that you find helpful:______
Write here about how past efforts have supported your sobriety______
List your strengths: (If you cannot think of any, ask a trusted friend what she or he sees your strengths to be.) Write these down. Read your list daily—YES! Out loud.
Love yourself!
To love one’s self is stated by Christ as being an essential part of the “greatest” of all commandments:
“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets,” (Matthew 22: 36-40)[6]
Self-love is far from “being selfish,” which involves not caring about the needs of others. Many of the problems within humanity are caused by lacking love for one’s self. Failure to love ourselves will see us trying to fill up the emptiness this creates, resulting in addictions of various sorts. For example, over eating—or even over working or excessive recreation—will not substitute for taking good care of one’s self, meeting needs that can only come through making sure we are loving and respect ourselves.
To love one’s self is stated by Christ as being an essential part of the “greatest” of all commandments:
“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets,” (Matthew 22: 36-40).
Section 11
Building self-esteem for maintaining good self-care
This is a process and can be aided by responding to the following:
Identify the uniqueness of yourself. Include positive things family and friends say about you______
A later section, “Explore your abilities,” will help discover these.
Consider telling yourself the truth, use statements about your strengths (and other positive affirmations) daily– especially when:
- You are feeling low
- You are having negative thoughts about yourself
- When another person says something hurtful to you
Identify any negative thoughts of yourself that you entertain, or self-criticism. NOW, refuse these. (See “Stop Thought,” for a powerful technique within Addendum 1 at the end of this workbook.)
Have compassion for yourself – be your own best friend.
G59When complimented by another person, can you say, “Thank you” and consciously receive that truth about yourself? Can you take it in, accepting it and believing it?
☐ Yes ☐ No
If your answer is “no,” do you want to practice self-love by changing a pattern of the past? ☐ Yes ☐ No
If your answer is “no,” list what you think is a belief about yourself that is unloving . . . write a belief that you can let go of today:______
Each day, do something that makes you feel good about yourself, like, hiking, biking, enjoying a friendship, finishing a task that is bugging you. Then pat yourself on the back.
Decide today: Are you willing to start loving yourself by doing the following:
Watch your “self-talk”: Refuse any reason for self-criticism that is not justifiable:______
See Section 18 titled “Assurance of forgiveness,” for the soul.
You are well on your way. Your dedication to complete this workbook is an act of self-love. Continue doing a few pages as often as possible until finished. Take time to savor and recognize what you are doing. This is how you save yourself.
Enjoy getting to know yourself better—and learning to love yourself.
Give yourself permission to grow in your ability to acknowledge your worth. (See Addendum 4 for a list of Biblical passages, encouraging you to build your self-esteem, learn your self-worth—and sooth your soul.)
As you read the passages make notes, here, as regards thoughts which may arise for you: ______
Section 12
Building healthy coping skills
Living with addiction means “using” has likely been your coping skill. This was your “most relied on and most desired” means for feeling OK in this world. So, how has that worked for you so far?
This segment of the workbook is intended to help you find new ways to deal with difficult feelings, quiet and calm yourself, and put you in a better place mentally and emotionally thus allowing you to take control of the urgings or cravings. Developing new coping skills will help you learn to endure, reduce and manage situations in life that are difficult and/or highly stressful. You will reach far greater enjoyment in a life that you control and design. This is the result of good self-care.
Exercise: Deep breathing is a coping skill.
You can do it at any point or place you want to. When you start tensing up (shoulders ache, tongue on the roof of your mouth, jaw clenched), feeling anxious, this is a moment to remember good self-care is in order! Pause. Start breathing deeply, taking in more air. This exercise in breathing strengthens and supports your nervous system resulting in you empowering yourself to remain calm.
Addiction itself is highly stressful. It is an enslavement.
Truth be known, developing coping skills and learning how to set boundaries are the two main ways to control stress on a daily basis. Going forward, your help with these two elements of good self-care will be the focus and will make a remarkable difference in your health and happiness for your future.
Finding ways to deal with unexpected things that happen will greatly lessen your stress level. A major element of developing coping skills lies with learning how to take good self-care. Everyone knows what can be fun or enjoyable in life. But when we get sick, we forget what nurtures us, then fail to take good care of ourselves.
Pick activities from the list below that you want to try as you strategize toward developing (or returning to) a loving friendship with yourself. Discover the comfort of simply being who you are and appreciating what appeals to you. Learn to hold the space of enjoying yourself.
Use the list below during hard times when you feel uncomfortable in your skin, or highly pressured. You will “spark” on one or two.
The first two on this list are coping skills that are highly effective—and successful.
So, go for it. Savor the list:
– Meditation and/or prayer
– Read Holy Writ
– Exercise using gym equipment, or other methods like biking
– Take a walk, ideally 30-40 minutes; or a run, based on the state of your health
– Visit a pet shelter (where you can talk to and pet animals)
– Use a relaxation app or practice progressive muscle relaxation
– Listen to music, or play a musical instrument
– Sing or hum at points when anxiety arises or feeling depressed
– Make a blessing or gratitude list (“I am thankful for . . . “)
– Enjoy water (swimming, soaking bath, and by other means)
– Talk to yourself (journaling is a meaningful way)
– Stomp on bubble wrap—popping all of them (do this ONLY if you have sturdy shoes and good balance)
– Draw, color, paint, sculpt, or do ceramics
– Play with a pet, or a friend’s pet
– Try a new recipe, then ask friends, “come over to help eat”
– Clean a messy drawer, cabinet or closet that has been bothering you
– Take a drive . . . find a nature path to explore
– Read your favorite kind of book
– Enjoy playing cards with a friend, or friends, e.g., Bunco, spades, hand and foot
– Plan time with friends or family who have a baby; rock the baby
– Spend time with friends or family who have kids. Play games like a kid
– Look into a new hobby
– Look at landscape photos that help you feel relaxed
– Go to a park just to listen and watch what all takes place there
– Visit a zoo, science display, or museum
– Go to your favorite type of movie (or see one on a device)
– Visit a skating arena; watch and join in if able
– Dance! Have fun at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUKrtkHbA90
– List good times and blessed events of your life
– List all for which you are thankful
– Sit by the water—breath, listen, smell and look around
– Ask a loved one to rub your shoulders . . . or, go get a massage
– Laugh as often as you can—even to pretend laughter (it works)
– Google funny YouTube videos
– Google YouTube singalong videos, too
– Take some time in a shopping center; watch and listen to enjoy
– Pursue something you want to learn about; share with a friend
– Ride a bike or skate as often as possible
– Look at people while giving a smile; watch their eyes: enjoy!
– Find a contemplative water fountain (or waterfall in nature) — sit and listen to the H20
Listen to Ted Talks to get your mind completely off of everything. Find these on https://www.ted.com/talks. There are many YouTube videos on various subjects that will grab your full attention, put you in a different “space”—and are likely to even challenge your thinking.
Remember, moving your body in challenging ways and fully occupying your mind will put you in a different space. Try it.
Here are some places to go to switch gears, in order to reach a more relaxing, more joyful “space:”
These YouTube videos will do wonders:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75PUjUsGsQQ (takes only 2 minutes)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUKrtkHbA90 (minutes of fun dance)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxOpnhY6ObU (pictures with music; 5 ½ minutes)
Now, return to the list of coping skills. Circle each entry above that is something you have enjoyed in the past, or enjoy now.
Then write a statement below indicating which of these coping skills you will want to begin using, during times when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin:_____
Dr. Nora Vocci, director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse states that stress alters the way the brain thinks, “. . . the part of the prefrontal cortex that is involved in deliberative cognition is shut down by stress.”[7] Consequently, the frontal cortex becomes less responsive—or “shut down”—making it harder than ever to resist temptation. So, enjoy as many of the above stress reducing activities as you can—and as often as you can. This will help you minimize stress. This will help guard against making impulsive choices.
Reaching recovery and maintaining it will take diligence and hard work. Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT), prayer and this workbook, along with your support group meetings, can see you reaching your goal of achieving recovery. If you are not in a support group, please consider getting into one—or, at least stay close to your “support people.”
Now, return to the list of coping skills. Circle each entry above that is something the piques your interest, or is an activity you have enjoyed in the past.
Then write a statement below indicating which of these coping skills you will want to begin using, during times when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin:_______
Section 13
Setting boundaries
Learning to set boundaries with yourself and for others is among the most powerful of all coping skills. This skill, if practiced consistently will change the dynamics of all your relationships—for the good, allowing for less stress in life. Stress, as we know, affects our health mentally, physically and emotionally. Consequently, this is the longest segment of the workbook. Yet, it will bring knowledge that holds potential for reaping great benefits.
Certainly, it takes great courage, persistence and discernment to develop abilities that support you doing well in life. Learning to set and maintain boundaries with self and others takes awareness of the various “Types of boundaries” in which feelings, thoughts and values need to be honored. These are identified by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. at Psych Central as:
“Material boundaries determine whether you give or lend things, such as your money, car, clothes, books, food, or toothbrush.
Physical boundaries pertain to your personal space, privacy, and body. Do you give a handshake or a hug – to whom and when? How do you feel about loud music, nudity, and locked doors?
Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Are you easily suggestible? Do you know what you believe, and can you hold onto your opinions? Can you listen with an open mind to someone else’s opinion without becoming rigid? If you become highly emotional, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.
Emotional boundaries distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility from someone else’s. It’s like an imaginary line or force field that separates you and others. Healthy boundaries prevent you from giving advice, blaming or accepting blame. They protect you from feeling guilty for someone else’s negative feelings or problems and taking others’ comments personally. High reactivity suggests weak emotional boundaries. Healthy emotional boundaries require clear internal boundaries – knowing your feelings and your responsibilities to yourself and others.
Sexual boundaries protect your comfort level with sexual touch and activity–what, where, when, and with whom.
Spiritual boundaries relate to your beliefs and experiences in connection with God or a higher power.” [8]
Write a paragraph or more about a current situation(s) or relationship in which you need to set boundaries. ______
Write how it feels to set a boundary, then find it is not honored:______
Can you think of a time when you did not honor someone else’s boundaries? If so, write a sentence or two about how that felt for you, after the fact:______
You already know that you must set boundaries with yourself in order to achieve recovery. This is important—and equally so with others making sure they honor your boundaries. This is how you will truly live your own life and respect yourself on a new level. This requires knowing what you want and setting clear boundaries.
Prior to having a conversation about a boundary that needs to be set, or honored, carefully choose the words that will best describe your goal.
Say why this boundary is essential, and, know that you will need to stipulate what consequence will take place in the event your boundary is not respected. If there is no consequence a boundary will not truly exist. It is nothing but empty words.
For example, imagine a time when you were stood up by a person you were dating. Decide what behavior you want them to change and be clear. Your boundary statement must be strong, “I don’t want to be stood up again.” This stipulates what you need. Add, “…regardless of how hard this will be for me—I will not continue going out with you.” Now, a boundary has been set along with a consequence. Always be open and caring, wanting to hear the response you may receive. This can be a learning experience for both of you. Listen for understanding—before responding. An attitude of caring, coupled with good listening skills, goes a long ways within good relationships.
Be prepared, your boundaries will be tested. Stand your ground. In the instance above, the person could ask for another date. You then can show a firm stance by using words that mean business. For instance, “I cannot trust a person who does not respect my boundaries.”
Honoring your feelings will involve doing some work to determine where these feelings are coming from. Confrontation with another person will most likely involve some intense feelings. The key to success during confrontation is to modulate these three aspects of your communication: manner, timing, and intensity. These are elements of speech over which you do have control.
KEY POINT: Feelings don’t just happen. Feelings follow thoughts! The motivational model (author unknown) on the following page portrays this truth and shows the importance of what we believe and how we perceive.
Become keenly aware of when your boundaries are breached, disrespected, or ignored.
Rule of thumb: If something (said or done) “feels like a kick in the stomach—it’s probably a kick in the stomach.” Here is some help with addressing that “kick.”
1) When something said to you feels unfair or disrespectful, you have the right to ask the person to restate their meaning.
2) Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and your feelings when words said don’t feel fair or fitting. It works best to answer with an I feel statement. For example, “Right now I feel hurt.” (Or, punished, treated like a child, misunderstood, put down or disrespected.)
3) Open with strength. With the above scenario of saying, “I feel hurt.” Think of it as if you’re playing tennis and you have just sent that “I feel statement” like a ball into the other person’s court. Then that person whacks the ball back to you, saying, “Well, now you know what it feels like to be hurt. What you said to me the other day was rude.”
You can ask a question to get the ball moving again, like, “Are you saying you think I have bad manners—or are you saying I have done something that has embarrassed, or hurt you?”
This allows clarification. The goal, here, is for both parties to gain understanding. When fairness rules, you both want resolution. Do not interrupt. Rather, listen to understand the person.
When a person stays in the game, clarification comes and some understanding can be gained. It becomes easy to admit what you may need to own up to—and likewise for the other person to do the same. Apologies are certainly easier to make when both see their role, are honest and accepting of having been part of the problem.
If you can keep the conversation going, the two of you can get to something that is threatening the relationship. Reigning in your feelings, express them carefully, caring as much about the other person as you do for yourself. This is a powerful way of being in the world. It works exceedingly well when desiring to resolve a problem.
Another rule of thumb: If you do not feel safe within a conversation–STOP. Choose another time and place to have the discussion you want, or need to have with this person. It is OK to say, “I need space for now. We can choose to talk about this again later.” (Here, a boundary has been set.)
When you need to talk about something that is bothersome, it works best to simply begin with, “I have felt bothered about something.” Be prepared to listen while the person responds. Reflecting back what you’ve heard helps to avoid any misunderstandings. Hearing one another is the key to solving a problem and setting a boundary.
Setting boundaries and maintaining them is all about taking good care of ourselves. It takes time and ongoing efforts to develop this skill. It is wise to take the advice of psychologist and coach, Dr. Dana Giota, “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”[9]
People who are highly developed, and even those who are just beginning to work on themselves, will respect your boundaries when these are clearly set—even when they do not like doing so. This is the kinds of friends you will want to add into your life.
A major aspect of setting boundaries lies with realizing the importance of feelings. Identify your feelings and honor them. Doing so is a huge part of growing, then maintaining strong self-awareness and appreciation. (If you don’t have these for yourself, no one else will.)
Essential elements of boundary-setting:
– Trusting yourself means trusting your feelings.
– Give yourself permission to deal with your most difficult feelings. A common practice is to swallow—gulp down—these feelings. But honoring and identify them will help you get well and prepare you for setting boundaries with other people.
– Identify what it is that you are feeling. Are you feeling mad? Are you feeling sad? Or, are you feeling glad? Are you feeling afraid? Disappointed? Frustrated? Are you feeling betrayed? Or, are you feeling guilty? Confused?
Rick Warren who started the powerfully effective 12 step program Celebrate Recovery with John Baker in 1991, succinctly says, “Revealing the feeling is the beginning of healing.”[10]
– Determine what your feelings are saying. Feelings often hold a message. Listen for the message. This is a skill to develop
Let’s work on honoring and identifying your feelings:
In a paragraph (or more) finish these sentences:
Ponder feeling(s) not thoughts to answer: What I feel most at this time in life is:______
What I presently find myself thinking about most is:______
I think positively on a daily basis: ☐ Yes ☐ No
I think negatively: ☐ Yes ☐ No
If you think negatively as a pattern, do you want to change this? ☐ Yes ☐ No
Thinking positively will find you seeing your life differently. A practice of noticing and owning all for which you can be thankful will create “happy hormones” (endorphin flows). In time, this will lead to you feeling up more than you are feeling down. Voila! Fewer low moods or depression—therefore, less anxiety. A close look at a field of medicine, psychoneuroimmunology (PNI), will reveal how your body responds to what you are thinking and therefore affects moods. This also effects your immune system, neurological system and hormonal system. (The National Institute of Health is an excellent resource for facts on PNI.)
KEY POINT: “We are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings. We are responsible for choosing to be considerate of the feelings of others—while also being considerate of our own feelings.”[11]
Practice assertiveness so you can best succeed with boundary setting. Within a conflict, speak calmly in your natural tone of voice—and speak with care. Say what you want to take place, meaning say what you need. Then, if you don’t feel heard and the conversation does not stay on track, make that same statement, again. This couples well with holding boundaries in place.
When serious matters that affect relationships need discussing, some conversations are best done in public, for instance in a restaurant where other people are close by. If any sense of danger is felt, trust your intuition. It could be an appropriate time for a minister, priest or a mediator to be involved. Some matters call for legal action in order to be settled safely and fairly. Never, never, never live, work or be in unsafe conditions.
Boundary setting is not about “getting your way.” It is about being in healthy relationships within life. Healthy relationships make for having a much better existence here on earth. People who don’t know how to be in healthy relationships, are more apt to yield to the temptation to use alcohol or other mind-altering substances to try to escape a nasty reality.
Few people are taught that they have a right to set boundaries. Therefore, few people know how to set or maintain boundaries. Yet, hardly anyone can have strong, lasting relationships without knowing how to do good self-care. Truth be known, frequently, overuse of alcohol and drugs comes from people who are out of touch with themselves and not knowing any of the elements of good self-care. And, hoping for a quick fix they often self-medicate with substances that are harmful. They may not believe that there is a better way.
Seeing a counselor or a mental health practitioner is the way many people first learn about their right to set boundaries and to stipulate consequences when their boundaries are not respected and honored. Frequently good-self-care training only comes for people after a breakdown—or after a person finds herself or himself in substance abuse/addiction.
The skill of boundary setting will increase through determining to let the fear go! Fear of making someone unhappy can feel intimidating. But, loving yourself means living courageously, meaning we seriously take on the ability to feel and to express while accepting where we have been—and where we are going. Set goals. This puts us in a good place for lovingly serving our own needs in healthy ways. For me, I feel superbly blessed being a clinical chaplain, serving people who are sick, dying or otherwise in deep trouble. Jesus Christ called the people in need “the least of these my brethren.”
Dr. Carl Jung put a unique spin on this: “What if I should discover that the least of all brethern,[12] the poorest of all beggars, the most insolent of all offenders, yes, even the very enemy himself—that these live within me; that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness, that I am to myself the enemy who is to be loved?
Once we are able to identify and cherish the true essence of ourselves and what we were created to be, real hope for recovery takes place. The work done to validate and love ourselves will act as a spring board moving us speedily and spontaneously toward truly being who we desire to be. New passion and vision result.
Loving myself seemed impossible. My parents did not say, “I love you” while growing up. I also do not remember their speaking any terms of endearment. What is for sure, is they were good, hard working dam-construction and farming people who provided for the needs of their children. They honored their parents. By mid-life my mother and father became influential, helping many people by becoming teachers of “the Way,” meaning the teachings of Christ. I was raised by then. God’s presence was at work, growing in them. I could see they truly loved others, it was obvious to see through how they served others. But, for me, there was a sense of feeling less than loveable. I always felt I wasn’t quite enough—was needing to be more than I was.
The truth that God loves me—for myself, as I am—became possible from reading the Bible cover to cover. This revealed the Creator’s love as fact, not fiction. (In the Addendum, on page 81**, you will find a shortcut for finding God’s love. Read “Our Father’s love letter.”)
Coming to love one’s self brings many strengths. We come to be at peace with ourselves—“warts and all.” We find joy and valor. We become enabled to live to the fullest.
Courage grows as we practice, gradually, increasing our abilities to achieve and maintain good self-care. Celebrating even small advances toward this goal will create a happier stance in which to live. Given time, empowerment is felt within one’s self—and also within one’s relationships. You, too, will become encouraged to believe in your new abilities.
It is important to know every person has a right to carve out a good journey here on planet earth. There are many self-help books on library shelves. This workbook may be a beginning for some toward discovering how to “be the real me,” one who has love for self and love for others, while working toward excellent relationships and is on track for finding soul’s passion.
Write of an instance in the past wherein you now realize boundaries were needed, but didn’t exist:_______
How do you think that could have played out if set boundaries (with stated consequences) had been a part of the picture?______
It is important to have very real boundaries with yourself as it pertains to moving from addiction to recovery. Dealing with a repetitive desire to get high may feel pervasive at times. When the yearnings come, remember a quote by Dr. Barbara Krantz (who was once an addict). She spoke of answering drug addicts or alcoholics who ask, “Can I ever use substances in moderation?” She says, “No. Once your brain becomes a pickle, it can’t go back to being a cucumber.”[13]
A major boundary with self is involved for the sake of sobriety/recovery: With addiction, it is eminently important to stay on Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT).
On a scale of 1-10, how strong is your commitment to reach recovery through becoming substance free? Enter that number, here:_______
If you response is less than 10, do you intend to improve that number? ☐ Yes ☐ No
If “no” is your response to that question, write the reason why below:_______ (This will help you get clear with yourself)
Think of ways you could improve that number, if it is less than “10:______
Write of an instance during which reasonable boundaries were stated, yet not respected—and deliberately not allowed, within a relationship or a situation.______
Describe a current situation in which boundaries are needed within a personal relationship or situation._____
Write what consequence could be set in the event your boundaries are not respected and honored:______
As stated above, setting a consequence makes your boundary actual and effective.
For additional help, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life offers excellent help with setting boundaries. This book authored by two psychotherapists, John Townsend and Henry Cloud is a superb and well-known resource. It offers immense assistance with assuring readers of their right to set boundaries, plus showing how to set and maintain them. A workbook, titled Boundaries Workbook by these two authors is also available and sure to compliment your efforts. (Both of these books are currently available on Amazon.com)
Section 14
Explore your abilities
List here, abilities you are already aware of as being uniquely yours_____ (If you cannot do this on your own, think about what your friends and family say bout your abilities–or your teachers past and present.)
If you are inclined to deny having any specific abilities, this is something to discuss further with your counselor or friend. Most likely you are blocked from seeing your unique abilities, and your support team will help you identify these.
Plan toward further developing your unique abilities. Enter here what you would like your first step toward doing this to be______
The hope for this workbook, is that it can help to empower you to reach a deep caring for yourself. Through this developed or renewed ability to value you, who you are and who you are not—you can move to higher realms of living. This growth will include paying attention to when you need to take time apart to evaluate pathways to good self-care, meaning what you can do to find your center and to stay centered during difficult times:
- when frustrated,
- when feeling down,
- when feeling highly stressed,
- when ashamed or angry at yourself.
This will call for honoring and identifying what you are feeling. Developing a practice of journaling daily helps stay on track with honesty. We are most integritous when we are at our center.
World renown Author Rick Warren says, “It may be tough for you to read a message about integrity because you’re replaying in your mind all the times you’ve fallen short, all the opportunities you had to show integrity but didn’t, all the moral failures in your life. We could all make a similar list of failures. St. Augustine said that the confession of bad works is the beginning of good works.
If you are serious about becoming a person of integrity, the first step is to admit that you haven’t had integrity. You just admit that you don’t always keep your promises. The first step [of one’s self] in forgiveness is admitting your guilt . . . In this way you accept responsibility.” Warren asks this question, “What’s the best way to ensure that you are really accepting responsibility [addiction]? You’re not going to like the answer, but you need to hear it anyway: The best way to get over your guilt is to tell one other person who loves you.” [14] [15]
Warren is explaining a skill set of sharing your journey with a trusted person. This is that may be new for you. But, recovery will see you learning ways of being in the world. Learn all you can about healthy ways of living. Do your own research to assure personal integrity. Yet, while using the Internet take care to use only trustworthy site sources. A professor in one of my master’s degree programs said, “There is a lot of horse muck on the Internet.”
Two of my favorite sites while doing research related to health and mental health are the National Institute of Health at, https://www.nih.gov/health-information and SAMHSA at, https://www.samhsa.gov/
List here topics you want to research:______
Section 15
More on managing stress
Think of this part of your journey as if you are taking up a new sport, like tennis or basketball. There will be many aspects of stress management that you will want to learn along with other specific skills for doing good self-care. Go for these! If you learn to manage stress you will find your journey to recovery much easier.
Knowledge is power. Consider the following National Institute of Health links for advancing your ability to handle stress well. Visit:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/stress/index.shtml
Use the Internet to learn how to avoid adrenaline rushes. Visit:
https://nccih.nih.gov/health/stress/relaxation.htm
Dr. Nora Volkow, director or the National Institute on Drug Abuse studies the neurological roots of addiction. She states, “Stress affects the way a person is able to anticipate the consequences of their actions. This happens because “the part of the prefrontal cortex that is involved in deliberative cognition is shut down by stress.” This normally is helpful to a person, momentarily, yet as this expert points out, the frontal cortex is “even more inhibited in chronic substance users.” Animal studies confirm stress can amplify a desire for drugs.[16]
Check out what SAMSHA has to offer to people seeking recovery. Gaining all the information you can on stress management will definitely help you succeed.
You will have less stress if you can accept these three factors:
1) you are imperfect;
2) you are limited;
3) recovery will take as long as it takes.
Grappling with these three factors may not appear to be a skill set but it truly is. These factors are ideally reckoned with throughout life. There is nothing here to be ashamed of. We are all in the same boat. You have abilities and gifts that I do not have. And, I have abilities and gifts that you do not have. Each of us are limited and we all are imperfect.
No one can do recovery perfectly.
Section 16
What if I relapse
Even you hate the thought of having one–here is the truth: If relapse happens, it can serve to make you stronger and more knowledgeable. Yet, a relapse can bring a lot of shame. You may feel a load of guilt over relapsing, especially when you were doing very well prior to this. Hanging onto shame and guilt will only serve to undermine who you are and what you are trying to do. Let it go!
There may be fear that you “can’t make it with recovery.” Here is where you can look closely at what caused your relapse, becoming wiser going forward. An exercise titled, “Stop Thought” in Addendum 1 of this workbook will help you learn how to recognize and release fear, disappointment, hurt and anger.
Avoiding relapses does take determination—but also planning. Emily Vona, Director of Arizona Treatment Center[17], says, “Relapse happens when people get complacent and put recovery too far down on the list of things they “need to do today.” Planning and determination are equally important.”
Stay on your Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT) as a solid way to recovery, purpose to trust God (or Higher Power) to help you day-by-day. Talk to God when you feel weak.
Consider praying daily for help in developing a true sense of your worth and stay true to truth, as you set your will to live sober in lasting recovery. You may choose prayer and “fasting” from substance abuse as a lifetime practice.
When you fear relapse, remember to call on God’s help as many times during the day as you feel to do so.
Prayer is 50% talking to God and 50% listening. Hearing these inner messages are events for which a person mostly develops a skill. While listening to hear God, silence (rather than receiving a message) may well mean an assurance of, “keep trusting, you are on a right track.”
The following quote from the National Institute of Health about recovery is included for reasons you will understand:
“Recovery from addiction, a chronic, relapse-prone disorder (Leshner, 1997), is a lifelong dynamic process. While we know a great deal about addiction, we know very little about recovery. The majority of studies conducted among substance abusers have follow-up periods ranging in length from 1 to 24 months – a short time relative to the lifelong challenges of recovery. What little is known about the natural history of addiction and recovery indicates that the recovery experience changes substantively over time and makes changing demands on the individual . . . ”[18]
So, if relapse inadvertently takes place for you, see it as part of the learning process. Comfort yourself with knowing you have all it takes to strike a new beginning. One of the worse things you can do is to bad mouth yourself, which will weaken rather than to strengthen you.
Think of it this way, if you drop your cell phone, do you pick it up and put it in your pocket, or do you stamp on it with your foot and grind it into the ground? Of course not. So be kind and caring toward yourself.
Apologize to yourself. Emily Vona, Director of the Arizona Treatment Center says, “Accept your own apology.”
Let go the fear, each time it comes.
Relapses do not mean that you sink all the way to the bottom again. A onetime relapse does not have to turn into a month or a yearlong relapse. You have the ability to stop it from getting worse by bending your knee to it. Ask God to help you and to strengthen you. Ask yourself, “What happened, here? What
brought on a relapse?” Write about this in the “Note Section” of this workbook. A note, made as you learn and progress, can greatly benefit you at points when you want to review them.
Prevention is key! Remember, that relapse after a period of recovery is statistically high for fatalities.
Being kind to yourself is a sign that you are learning to value who and what you are: a magnificent human being created to love and serve—in the progress of becoming. Mistakes are our greatest teachers. We learn what does not work. We go on.
It’s not important how many times you have fallen. It is important how many times you have let God pick you up. You are still a remarkable person. God loves you. Listen to this! God loves you! His mercies are forever. Before you were even out of your mother’s womb, He knew you would have to go through this within your learning experiences in this life. Now, trust. All you have to do is say “yes,” I am going to trust. I am not alone, here. The best of all help has come alongside.
Love of self is a very large part of what God expects of us: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself,” (Luke 10:27).
Once you have Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT) on-board and have gained some new coping skills you are well on your way to putting your life back together. This will then bring the great pleasure of paying your own way in life and will majorly help you succeed in reaching recovery. You may need to live pretty skinny in order to get your life back on course. The practice of self-denial will help you as you discern this truth: There is something at work in your soul, calling you to a deep and meaningful journey. There is more of God’s goodness inside of you than you can recognize. (See footnote 19 for more care. here.)
Meanwhile, going without non-essentials will help develop the impetus to see the value of self-denial and embrace it.
Avoiding relapse means you are growing—coming into a love of self and others. Celebrate and thank God for every moment you are saying “NO” to all felt urgings towards relapsing. It is important to consider helping your body recover by abiding by the best possible health practices: eating nourishing food, getting 8 hours of sleep each night, drink plenty of water and let people love on you. Take the hugs. Receive any “good words” or compliments they offer you. It is one thing to hear them, but quite another to take the words in . . . truly receiving them, allowing good feelings to nurture your soul.
Place distance between yourself and your addiction. You are NOT the addiction and the addiction is not you.
Section 17
Finding the Divine
Whether we realize it or not, spirituality is at the heart of the lives of all human beings. We all have “spirit.” What a person believes about spirituality is important to identify, regardless of what our beliefs are about what “spirit” is, or is not—it will indeed be central in life. It is the spirit of a person through which empowerment arises.
This workbook will not present information about world religions. The Constitution of the USA supports the dignity and right of each person to choose what they will believe to be true about life and how it should be lived, also about death and eternity.
As an author, with degrees in both psychology and theology, I extend, here, what I consider to be the best of all beliefs for readers who seek to “find the Divine” within their journey here on earth. Based on all my studies, I believe the Bible contains more psychology (and the best of it) than all the books of my library.
It is where theology lies par excellent. But, please know that the gist of what this workbook covers are the tools for getting past addictions—and will work well for you—no matter what your spiritual beliefs. My intent is for this work to carefully respect the beliefs of all while being majorly helpful in the struggle against addictions.
Below are eight helpful Addendum. Within the Addendum titled “About the Bible — why read it?” you will find numerous Biblical passages. You can visit those passages at any point when emotional pain is felt. See Addendum 4 for Biblical passages that will serve greatly to sooth your soul.
During my 7+ decades of life, these words have held tremendous power to assure, satisfy and fortify my soul. Based on that, I know an even greater amount of empowerment will come to readers if prayer and the helps billions of people continue to find in Scripture are a part of the work.
For those of you who have already experienced God helping you within your life, you know there is a mighty Power beyond yourself. By including this “Power” in your sincere recovery work will provide opportunity to more quickly and surely achieve your goals.
Section 18
Biblical passages assuring forgiveness
Throughout the Bible God inspires us to believe all mistakes—all sins—are forgiven, erased from our pasts once we repent of them. Repentance see us turning away from behaviors that were harmful to ourselves and others.
The Scripture passages listed below offers helps for letting go of past mistakes and failures. These passages will grant assurance for applying forgiveness on a daily basis. Only the Bible, known to believers as “the Word of God,” can make it possible to accept the truth of this freedom from the past. You may want to refer periodically to these four of the Biblical passages that assure us of the truth that God grants forgives when we ask for it:
Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Psalms 103: 12-14
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
John 3:16
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9-10
“. . . That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Daily reading of Scripture is what keeps me on track with my efforts to truly let go the past and live solidly in the present.
Section 19
Medical research discovery: the physical and spiritual come
together for transcendence
It does seem clear that one’s use of alcohol or opioids may allow a “momentary” sense of “transcending” the pressures, confusions, frustrations, disappointments, stressor and griefs of life. Trouble comes when once these are used habitually (or for some immediately upon first trying them), the person gets “hooked.” This is often a catastrophe of “devilish” dimensions. Now, like many others, you may suffer major struggles as life has taken a disastrous spin.
If you are not already on medication assisted treatment, please seek a health provider and get that care immediately.
In addition, it has now been scientifically proven that the human brain itself has specific abilities to help us transcend. Transcendence is a place where one’s spirit is elevated above all else that is happening in life. There is a sense of joy and peace—with an indescribable calmness.
An explanation of this truth can be found in Why God Won’t Go Away Brain Science & the Biology of Belief by Andrew Newberg, M.D., Eugene D’Aquili, M.D., and Vince Rause.[20] These medical scientists write of how exciting it was for them to discover what takes place in the brain when people pray or meditate. Their research involved creating SPECT MRI brain images of people while they were praying or meditating.
These doctors did their research, without regard for any religious beliefs or practices of their own. Thorough this work they discovered how the brain is built for transcendence. Their remarkable research brought attention to the very location within the human brain where this takes place as it is clearly identifiable, consistently lighting up when prayer or meditation is
entered and continued for 12 or more minutes. Their research identified the where and when of mystical states as these take place for us as humans. These are experienced, of course, to varying intensities.
As detailed in their book, the researchers scientifically prove that our brains are tailor-made for linking up with and entering the empowering presence of our Creator. We have the ability to elicit this place of wholeness through meditation and prayer. It is now proven that our brains can bring us into an amazing transcendence.
Experiment with the above: Set a timer for 12 minutes. Turn your phone off and quiet your mind. Let all thoughts slide off the screen of your mind as they arise. And, they will. When thoughts of the work you need to get done break in, gently bring your mind back into prayer or quietude. Repeating a phrase of your choice can help you stay centered. It can also be useful to identify a word or phrase to speak when thoughts try to interrupt, like, “I am safe,” “peace,” “rest,” “at home.” Choose what seems most helpful to you. Even a longer sentence can be use, something like, “I greatly appreciate the gift of life.”
Just settle and sink sweetly into this place where all is entrusted into the Creator’s care. Notice what you feel. Or, perhaps it can take a number of trial runs before you find that place of transcendence of your soul…the “uplift.” Make this a practice that is ideally combined with reading Scriptural passages before or after your time of shutting all down in quietude in order to enter into and accept the stillness with God.[21]
For a blessed, quieting music experience, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKWGSzxtcZA
Truth be known, both prayer and reading of Scripture passages can bring us into astounding realms of reality with God. These doctors mentioned above became exceedingly excited in learning
we are created to experience transcendence where the soul is at a place of rest and assurance that life is good.
Perhaps this is what Scripture refers to as “the secret place of the Most High.[22]
My personal experience with prayer and meditation is that peace, contentment and joy are interwoven when my heart and mind are at rest. A gentle uplifting of one’s being takes place. Transcendence! I feel loved and united with God during such prayer times. This is not a time wherein I am asking for anything for myself. I am just setting all aside except to be with God. I feel sure there is a “joining,” here, where love encounters love—resulting in a grand reward for body, soul and spirit.
Through this we can transcend all the pain of life. It just takes the practice of “entering in.”
Mike Cardello, our local Celebrate Recovery director, says, “Find God on your own ground. Challenge Him—for you to know He is real! The love of other believers showed me who Christ is. For a time, I needed someone else’s faith until I found my own.” Mike has a story of recovery that brought tears to my eyes.
Along with the support of your accountability team, counseling will accentuate the cognitive behavioral aspect of this workbook. Counseling supports a process through which you will become more able to reach the underlying issues of your past, opening the door to the discovery of a new future wherein you can truly be the person you want to be.
Through 24 years of work as a mental health counselor and clinical Board certified chaplain, I have witnessed renewed lives. People are healed most expediently and most lastingly through the practice of ancient habits: prayer, study, worship and service. It is called “The Way” in Scripture. This way of living will see you
cycling through five spiritual practices of learning, turning, praying, worshiping and blessing the lives of others. This “Way” of living a loving life starts with learning to truly love God, but also to truly love yourself. This will empower you to “rest”—rest from your anxieties, your fears, your frustrations, resentments, disappointments . . . letting go angst of life so peace, love and joy can fill your heart and bring the glory of living to your soul.
When you are in counseling, a place where you know confidentiality is the rule, your heart can speak. And, as it does—you hear yourself. You begin to put it together so to speak. You know more clearly what is hurting, what you are doing to hurt yourself, what you want most to happen. With the acceptance and support of this other listening person, feel joined. You come to respect yourself more fully and to respect what you want to happen henceforth.
The best tool I have within my counseling practice (meaning what people are most often thankful for) is to always include God as I work with individuals. I discover what their understanding is of God (or Higher Power). Their intake paperwork includes a release to sign, assuring them that “God will be part of this work.” Even atheists have signed that agreement and have done well within my practice. What I know is that God takes us just as we are. I always want to introduce people to Christ. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it does not.
Both in this workbook and in counseling I respect where people are most comfortable with this very important fulcrum of life.
Christian beliefs are extended here along with some scriptural passages, to further enrich and empower readers, in the event you are open to considering them. However, if this part of the workbook is not what you find comfort for you, based on your beliefs, please do one of two things:
1) Give it a read, maybe even try it on for size, as you may very well find it to be amazingly wondrous, such as trillions of people (among the living and the dead) have since the beginning of time;
Or: 2) Please just move past this portion of the workbook. Continue at Section 20, “FDA announces more good news!” where you will find more help with your goal toward reaching recovery.
None of us can do life perfectly—nor is there a “perfect recovery.”
In the path Jesus called “the way,” Christians know we can only accept the covering of the perfection of Jesus Christ who supplied that to us through His death on the cross, followed by His resurrection. Deciding to be His follower means we take on His perfection. How can this be? The December, 2019, issue of Christianity Today says it well based a Biblical passage in 2 Cor. 5:21), “Just as God looks upon the Lord Christ as sin (because our sins were reckoned to him), so He sees the sinner as just and completely perfect.” God gives to the sinner a gift—totally undeserved: “the innocence and righteousness of Christ.” [23]
It is like we wear a robe of Christ’s perfection that covers our every sin—our every imperfection—based on our trust in what He has done for us. God’s kingdom within the world is comprised of “righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Romans 14:17). It is different from “the world” we see—work, play and ponder in. It is a kingdom that we, as people, choose as a state of being for our souls.
Dr. Gerald G. May understood this well when he wrote, “Addiction cannot be defeated by the human will acting on its own, nor by the human will opting out and turning everything over to divine will. Instead, the power of grace flows most fully when human will chooses to act in harmony with divine will. In practical terms, this means staying in a situation, being willing to confront it as it is, remaining responsible for the choices one makes in response to it, but at the same time turning to God’s grace, protection, and guidance as the ground for one’s choices and behavior. It is the difference between testing God by avoiding one’s own responsibilities and trusting God as one acts responsibly.
Responsible human freedom thus becomes authentic spiritual surrender, and authentic spiritual surrender is nothing other than responsible human freedom. Here, in the condition of humble dignity, the power of addiction can be overcome.[24]
The above by Dr. May involves an adventure of body, mind and spirit. Truly remarkable occurrences—even astounding happenstances—can take place when you choose this state of being for your soul on a regular basis. Herein lies an adventure and it involves God.
Section 20
FDA announces more good news?
As you finish this workbook, if you have not yet asked your health provider for information on Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT), please do so. Treating addiction with medication can greatly address the effects of drug addiction, allowing a person to work and live a normal life.
See other references to MAT within this workbook. To find the MAT health providers in your area, enter your zip code in the locator at https://findtreatment.gov/)
Finding multiple ways to cope with the pain and stress of life will be imminently important to recovery.
This workbook is prepared to encourage people to do all possible to live a normal life without addictions. Knowing there is effective medication available, suited to addiction needs, is crucial. Yet, taking recovery medication is most effective when counselling and therapy are included, helping you target the underlying reason for your opioid use.
Reading about medications used in addiction treatment as well as talking with your health provider about MAT is important. What the FDA extends at https://www.fda.gov may be beneficial. (At the site, use the “search” option and enter “Medication-assisted-treatment.”)
Here, is an excerpt from the FDA site: “The FDA is taking new steps to advance the development of improved treatments for opioid use disorder and to make sure these medicines are accessible to the patients who need them. That includes promoting the development of better drugs, and also facilitating market entry of generic versions of approved drugs to help ensure broader access,” said FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb, MD, in a press release. “The FDA is also taking new steps to address the unfortunate stigma that’s sometimes associated with the use of opioid replacement therapy as a means to successfully treat addiction. Patients addicted to opioids who are eventually treated for that addiction, and successfully transition onto medicines like buprenorphine, aren’t swapping one addiction for another, as is sometimes unfortunately said. They’re able to regain control of their lives and end all of the destructive outcomes that come with being addicted to opioids. When coupled with other social, medical, and psychological services, medication-assisted treatment are often the most effective approach for opioid dependence.”
Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT) is a comprehensive approach that combines FDA-approved medications (currently methadone, buprenorphine, or naltrexone) with counseling and other behavioral therapies to treat patients with opioid use disorder. Regular adherence to MAT with buprenorphine reduces opioid withdrawal symptoms and the desire to use opioids, without causing the cycle of highs and lows associated with opioid misuse or abuse. At proper doses, buprenorphine also decreases the pleasurable effects of other opioids, making continued opioid abuse less attractive. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, patients receiving MAT for treatment of their opioid use disorder cut their risk of death from all causes in half.”[25]
Please enjoy using the following eight Addendum entries for strengthening your skills and growing spiritual for further strengthening your skills and growing spiritually.
You are in my prayers.
Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith
www.healing-with-Joy.com
FOOTNOTES to the above workbook can be found at the end, after the following eight Addendums.
Addendum 1
“Stop thought!” technique
As you monitor your thoughts, make sure you don’t allow the dark or negative ones that raise unfair criticism of yourself.
Remember: Feelings follow thoughts. The feelings we experience come from what our thoughts are presenting to us. Even with the exceptions (when feelings arise from something we see or hear, or with a flash back memory) the technique below has proven to work for many.
Some thoughts become very persistent. Many people have found the following technique to work effectively.
Here is how to stop difficult, persistent thoughts when they come:
Think or say, “Stop thought!” (Conceptualize)
Mentally visualize each letter – slowly spell it out:
S T O P T H O U G H T
The thought can return. Simply repeat, “Stop thought!”
(Train your brain.)
The thought may persist. Work the mind, “Stop thought!”
Do this repetitively. The thought will stop when you continue repeating your command, “Stop thought!”
If you are alone, at the time, say, “Stop thought!” out loud. Otherwise, it still works when you say, “Stop thought!” quietly within.
This technique has also worked for people during sleep when thoughts arise keeping them awake.
Addendum 2
Addendum 3
LIFE – what is it all about?
Now for further pondering of the “why” question at the beginning of this segment of the workbook:
One day while working as a chaplain, I was asked one of the hardest of all questions, “What is this life all about?” The patient added, “My Company took a tumble, my wife lost her job and I was diagnosed yesterday with a terminal condition. I’ve tried to stay on top financially . . . I’ve tried to lose all this weight. How can I believe in a God who allows such misery?”
I inwardly thought, “You place a lot of trust, expecting me to answer that question. I did the best I could while at his bedside as a comforter. Yet, felt surely it was not enough. Now, at home, I reflect on my response.
We are created to be in relationship with the Creator. God wanted children. In the first book of the Bible, we see how that turned out. Not well–because God built free will into our package. We get to choose whether to believe and live by some rules (so justice can exist on planet earth), or, we follow and live by whatever we think or feel we want at any given moment. The Bible reveals how it goes for people who honor God with their lives by putting their trust in Him and enjoying a vital relationship. It also shows how tragically things go for those who do only as they please giving little thought to consequences.
Many of us start learning at that point—learning how to engage with our Creator. Scripture calls it “sup”[26] which means we commune with Him. Supping forms relationship. It is for sure a love relationship. We learn to seek God’s guidance through prayer and savoring the scriptures which is called His Word. Here is where a phenomenal relationship begins. Words cannot describe the joys of it. Love is the most powerful entity in the universe. I speak of heartfelt, unselfish love—extended as valued as equals. We hold potential of growing to be more and more like God . . . whose love is extended unconditionally.
Scripture tells us, “God is love.” Scripture also says if we claim to love Him yet cannot love others we are liars. Wow. That can be scary.
1 John 4:7 makes it plain, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. It seems most likely that love is the greatest power in the universe—and that the more we love the more we become like our Creator.
The opposite is true, as we can be selfishly grasping for what we want in life, with little thought of others. We can even be outright mean, thinking nothing of stealing from others and even taking their lives before their time is up.
Looking at history it is easy to see there is plenty of temptation to walk away from God’s love—that is until we open our human hearts to Him. Then, slowly there is a stream of tender care that can grow deep and wide. It is God’s love pouring through us as we invest ourselves in the best kinds of causes, especially those providing safety, health, healing and equality.
This earth can be a little bit of heaven on earth, or it can be a little bit of hell. In the latter case, we have the human race causing much to regret. On the former, there are a lot of us who take love to be our primary cause for our being given this great journey of life.
It does seem this globe is a fitting place for souls to be tried. We get to choose which side of things we want to be on. If God had not build free will into each human heart, we would simply live as a bunch of puppets.
To be sure, in this journey, here on the globe, we all enter the master of all “universities.” We are on task for learning—learning from our mistakes and also from our successes. Our mistakes can be our best teachers, yet so often these become the most painful, It hurts very much to see ourselves falling short, then having to backtrack as we step onto the right path, again. it is humbling, but there is healing.
*** We have this lifetime, with many opportunities for choosing “the right” and “the wrong,” in order to gain the wisdom that fires the soul and sees us denying ourselves so as to live toward what is best for all. A path that blesses is one in which we lean into the experience of making it easier for others, especially the ones who are suffering without having sone anything to bring it on for themselves: People who are mentally ill, those who are developmentally challenged, people who have been accidentally or criminally maimed and those who find themselves enslaved by addictions.
Only God knows the circumstance of another, such as the man in the hospital bed who posed one of the hardest of all questions. What I had to give him was a compassionate presence and a “word” of encouragement.
So, it is about giving our all, while experiencing felt limitation. Surely, the dream portrays Christ simply being able to stand as a loving, listening presence as the person suffered. That’s also where we are as humans in ministry to others.
I got the point. Perhaps we do a harder thing? How much easier if only the miraculous touch of Christ was ours to extend.
Who doesn’t long for the miraculous power to heal, above and beyond the experience of simply being prayerful and encouraging? Yet, we forge on in faith. Truth be known, chaplaincy has seen me grow. I have come to believe that being my “little,” mostly helpless presence in common, ordinary ways of faith is more powerful than I will ever perceive. I represent the Father–the Creator–while there at the bedside.
My call is to trust He will take over as I leave. here is the blessing I carry away . . . and it is a blessing that sees me keep coming back. The miracle is my obedience . . . to keep . . . loving and keep going to the bedside of sick and dying people where it is possible to minister love.
“And we are put on earth a little space
That we might learn to bear the beams of love.”
William Blake
Addendum 4
Tears: How they help the body heal
as well as the soul
Healing the soul is like peeling an onion. The layers of pain, resentment, bitterness, and sorrow come off one by one. No matter how many conferences attended and books read in hopes of getting more comfortable in our skins, most of us come to a notable realization: The hidden pain in our psyches hasn’t gone away. It takes more than understanding. We are going to have to deal with it.
Here is the crux of the matter: If we want to be whole, we have to fight against all inclinations to gulp down feelings. Instead, when we feel tears at the corners of our eyes, we just admit what we are feeling, then allow the tears to flow, in a place where we feel safe. Most often, this takes place in privacy. Without a doubt, your body and your soul are healthier when you let those tears flow. Trust this natural, God-given process. Remind yourself that this emotional work does pay off. Freedom from your inner pain is on the way. Days of living with less stress lie ahead. Learning to grieve life’s losses in this manner was a major factor in my becoming well after having to wage a serious battle to stay alive.
My “Get Well Program” involved praying, meditating, and studying Scriptures. However, I also journaled and listened to my dreams. One dream in particular spoke loud and clear about all my inner angst. In this dream, I am shown a huge mountain of frozen tears. The dream scene is an awesomely cold place! I awaken knowing that a piece of truth has paid me a visit. I see, clearly, that a mountain of frozen tears resides within my psyche. Those frozen tears need to come down, but they have to come down slowly, not all at once. I have to own up to all that stored grief, now so remote and hard to reach.
Eventually, my mountain of frozen tears began to thaw, allowing me to feel and to release that old, buried pain. I learned the value of tears and the need to let them have their way when they want to come. Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). The fact remains that coming to truth can take a lot of time and diligent effort when we have repressed a great deal of emotion, hoping it will “go away”–if we just stay busy enough. Or, drink enough … do enough drugs … recreate more. Clearly, if we want the change which brings a better life–one that is honoring to God–we have to do the work. And, for a lot of us, tears are part of it.
The truth about tears is that they help to heal our psyche (soul). And, amazingly enough, this little bit of water that begs to run down our faces helps our bodies.
Science indicates that tears are always present in the eyes and contain water, mucins, proteins, oils and electrolytes to keep the eyes moist, protect the eyes and facilitate the smooth movement of the lids over the surface. Tears are essential and their functions are many.
William H. Frey II, Ph.D. and Muriel Langseth, are authors of Crying: The Mystery of Tears.1 Dr. Frey, a neuroscientist, at the Regions Hospital in St. Paul, Minnesota, suggests that physical benefits are gained through releasing emotional tears. He studied tears for 15 years, analyzing two types: 1) tears that come while crying when we are emotionally upset or stressed; and 2) tears arising from eye irritants, including onions. Dr. Frey and his colleagues also found that all tears are not the same and that stress-induced tears have a 24% higher protein concentration than tears caused by eye irritants. Dr. Frey proposed that weeping is an excretory process which facilitates the removal of substances that build up during times of emotional stress.[27]
One of the compounds found by Dr. Frey and his colleagues in human tears is Adrenocorticotropic Hormone (ACTH). This chemical is known to increase in the blood during stress. Dr. Frey’s studies demonstrate that 85% of women and 73% of men feel better after crying. This indicates that suppressing tears over long periods of time may reduce our ability to alleviate stress, while increasing our risk of stress-related disorders, which include high blood pressure, heart problems, certain ulcers, and perhaps even memory loss.
More and newer research is showing that our bodies are helped when we pay attention to those moments when we feel tears arising, or when we have a lump in the throat. On an Internet site, Nurse Connect, in a posting titled “Nursing Dynamics and Clinical Issues,” a nurse writes: “Without tears most nurses would be emotional wrecks. Let’s face it, nursing is an emotional profession; on any given day we may witness pain, suffering and death, or extreme joy, relief and gratitude … encouraging a colleague not to cry, to ‘be strong,’ is detrimental to their psyche.” This nurse concluded that chemicals built up in the body during stressful moments are removed by tears. We all have challenges, disappointments, and stressful times. Yielding to a good cry is a definite way of lowering our stress level and potentially helping our bodies to release harmful stress-related chemicals.
Ultimately, allowing our tears, permits both physical and emotional benefits. For one, tears carry a promise for better times ahead. We can be certain that clarity about what is at the root of our sadness, confusion or anxiety brings a certain joy of its own. Progress is gained and we are encouraged to keep moving forward with increased understanding about how to help our bodies stay healthy
Addendum 5
About the Bible – why read it?
You may want to first visit this link: https://healing-with-joy.com/astounding-factors-involving-the-bible/ before working further. This link holds a blog written by Joy Le Page Smith that holds astounding facts about the Bible. You will see clearly why we can trust the Bible to be “the Word of God.”
Many people have not read the Bible. Reasons vary, but recently one man put it this way, “It is hard to put it all together and glean what I am meant to understand.” Since reading the Bible once a year for at least a decade, I see God throughout as being for us—not at all against us—wanting us to be blessed. He has definite mercy, acceptance and forgiveness to offer us. The overall picture is that God allows us freedom to choose, learn and grow while enjoying divine guidance. When we get out of line, meaning we do something that is not loving and kind, we get a little nudge from our consciences. So, God is all about helping us live in a life that brings joy and stability. God is always available to help us.
In the Old Testament God was forming a people who would honor him. That did not work out well, as the Israelite nation perpetually went their own way. God’s plan was to bring the Messiah to the world through them, so He had strict rules, wanting them to follow His ways versus their own. That was a struggle for all involved, until the Savior of the world came through Christ. Now, God’s plan became open to all people who put their trust in Him. To help people who are interested in knowing more about what Scriptures offer, I am listing below a number of passages that hold power to give hope, extend truth and heal one’s heart. Applying these Scriptures to life will immensely help your recovery process.
The Bible helps us reach a right relationship with God by showing His acceptance, love and mercy towards us. The Bible shows us how God sees our every need and loves us intensely.
Below is a sampling of Scripture passages for those who would like a limited glimpse of what the Bible is indicating.
Every Scripture included in this workbook is extended for the purpose of bringing healing to your mind, body, and spirit. Reading the Bible and asking God to heal you grants the power needed to follow your heart while using the greatest wisdom of all ages. This is the very thing that will help you get free of dependence on substances that dump you in what is perhaps the darkest of all pits . . . or even rob you of time here on earth.
Since this workbook is created for people struggling with addictions, the following four passages address how God helps us out of “the pit” where each of us find ourselves at points in life: Lamentations 3:55
I called on Your name, O Lord, from the lowest pit. You have heard my voice: “Do not hide Your ear from my sighing, from my cry for help,” Job 33:28
“He has redeemed my soul from going to the pit, and my life shall see the light,” Psalm 103:4
“Who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion,” Psalm 40:2
“He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm,” Psalm 40:2
Four scriptures that assure us of our being forgiven:
Daniel 9:9
“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against
him . . .”
Psalm 103:12
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
Micah 7:18-19b
“You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.”
Colossians. 3:13
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Knowing we have been forgiven creates an obligation on our parts to forgive those people who have harmed us. Forgiveness is a process. It takes as long as it takes to keep setting the will to forgive. It isn’t easy, but entirely possible with God’s help.
Isaiah 30:15, “For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength. But you would not . . . .”
Isaiah 26:3- “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”
In Revelations 3:20, Jesus Christ speaks, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”
Salvation comes to the soul through simply saying “yes” to that “knock,” which is the call of Christ to enter your heart, your life.
A simple prayer is added here in the event you are ready to ask Jesus Christ to “come in and be Lord of your life.” For sure, prayer is about speaking to God in words that come natural for you. Revise the following, if you wish. It is all about what YOU want to say to the the Lord. In case it is helpful, here is a possible prayer to use:
“Lord Jesus Christ, I have heard the knock on my heart’s door. I accept your call to enter my life. I confess my sins and ask for your forgiveness. I acknowledge You as my Savior and I am asking You to enter my life. I pray to be guided by Your Holy Spirit from now on. I may have failures, but I am now seeking to be a ‘new creature’ in You. Amen.”
Stop to savor your heart’s felt release here.
An additional prayer to use at any time when it feels helpful:
“Lord, I believe you can strengthen me to the point where You can use my life—gifts and my talents in the service of your kingdom. Your kingdom come, Your will be done. I am Yours . . . for I surrender my soul to you, Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.”
Always know that “prayer” is anything you want to say to the Lord—in your own words.
Write the date for saying this prayer, as this is your spiritual birthday! _______
Addendum 6
Celebrate this occasion
You are now “reborn” – born of the Spirit of God! It is appropriate even to rejoice.
Nehemiah 8:10, “…The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Please note that when people who choose to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, it is common to feel unworthy due to mistakes of the past. Yet, all that is needed is to ask for these marks in the heart, called sins, to be made clean. From that point on the precious Presence of God awakens and enlivens your spirit. Once you have repented and have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you can know without a doubt that you are forgiven.
For defeating shame over past mistakes and bad decisions, here is the promise to go back to each time it is needed, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit,” (Romans 8:1).
After a decision to ask Christ to abide with us, and to guide us, life does change. And certainly, we are never alone again. Scripture carries many amazing statements. Ponder this from 2 Corinthians 4:7,” . . . we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the Excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”
Gradually life is changed. And certainly, we are never alone again. God is as near as our breath—in fact, He abides in our breath! This call definitely empowers you as you call on God at every moment you feel weak, needing help, or just want to “feel the connection.”
Here is a verse of Scripture that I use at times of temptation or when I fear harm: Proverbs 18:10, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”
Welcome to the family of God that recognizes the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ indwells the heart and soul of believers!
The first thing to do as a new Christian: Find other Christians who understand your decision for Christ. They will help you grow in your Christian faith. Going to church will give you a family within this chosen walk with God. Here, you will experience worshiping God within community.
Show up in the clothes you feel most comfortable in, which will probably be jeans. Anyone who doesn’t like jeans needs counseling.
There are many churches to choose from. Visit until you feel welcomed and have a sense of, “Yes! This is it,” felt in your heart. Here, you will be at home. You will have opportunities to learn more truths about God—and about walking with God—as you hear sermons, along with studying the Bible. This gives opportunities for loving relationships to form with other believers.
What I’ve come to love most is hearing the stories of what takes place in the lives of individuals once they chose to make Jesus Christ Lord of their lives. You, too, can tell your story, as the Spirit prompts you, for you will indeed have a story to tell.
If it important to tell others of your decision to be a follower of Christ.
List the first three people you plan to tell of your decision:_______
(List at least one.) _______
These persons may want more information, so take her or him to meet your pastor. What is also true is that you may meet with opposition. Here are two of the many verses that will help you during such times:1 Peter 5:10, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
1 Peter 1:13, “Set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
For more help, visit:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/1o-ways-christians-should-respond-to-opposition/
Find Christians who can serve to “disciple you,” meaning one who will meet with you when you want to talk about your “walk” with the Lord, a person who can help as you learn to give full loyalty to Jesus Christ’s teachings, recorded in the first four books of the New Testament. Choose a person willing to help you learn more fully how to grow as a Christian and how to witness of your faith to others. If you are married to a Christian, it is best to choose someone other than your spouse to disciple you. However, you and your spouse can have great studies together, superb times of sharing about what you are learning and how you are applying these truths to your life.
I believe having faith in God and trusting that the Bible is rightfully called “God’s Word,” is the best help a person can get through their struggles in this life.
This work will reveal what is true. Finding truth will be a major and powerful part of your healing work. Even if you have had no former interest in reading the Bible, be assured the Biblical passages chosen for this workbook will hold power to reinforce your coming to understand yourself and your current struggles. The proof will be evident within the changes you will experience.
Addendum 7
God Speaks!
Scriptures carry the Words of God spoken to people who committed themselves to listening. We have these, the New Testament and the Old Testament, as the truest source of what God wants to tell His people. They are ancient, hallowed books and favored above all Words that we hear personally from God. The Bible is an excellent measuring stick for determining whether or not what we believe God is speaking into our souls aligns well with the truth. When “hearing” that still voice within the soul, I ask, does this message give me peace? Do I feel loved as I hear these words? Do they uplift my soul? And, are the words in keeping with what is written in the Bible? If the answer to each of these defining questions is “yes,” I trust that God has given those words to me.
It is also true that God speaks to all who will listen. The message below titled “God Speaks” is an example of listening/hearing. I write these in my journal, when received, during my prayer times throughout many years. Each time I “hear” I hold the words to a standard, asking myself, “Are these word in keeping with Biblical scriptures? Are they in keeping with the nature of God, who I have come to know through prayer and scripture reading? Do they call me to higher places in active service and behavior? And, do they bring peace?
The Bible shows readers clearly there are “no respecter of persons” with God. He loves each of us and will speak as we listen.
In order to encourage readers to believe in the ability to hear, below is a shared entry written in my journal within a past prayer time:
“Trust Me, Beloved One. I am with you always and in all things. Watch and see how I take every step with you as you proceed. I will bring moment to moment joy to you as you sink deeper into living in ‘the secret place of the Most High.’”
Abide there for the solace your soul seeks. I have much joy in store for you. Watch for it—as I have it in abundance for you. I have called you for a purpose. ‘No weapon formed against you shall prosper’ as you seek to let your mind be stayed in Me.’” [28]
We are meant to hear God speak to us. Doing so means we seek and enter closeness with God. Listening with intension of hearing God’s direction and guidance is enhanced by having a pastor, a priest or person with credentialing as a “spiritual director” accompany you on this journey. Pastors can make referrals to certified spiritual directors. The website, here, will provide names of spiritual directors in your city. https://www.sdiworld.org/find-a-spiritual-director.
If hearing from God has already been an experience for you, feel free to write below what you believe God has spoken to you:______
Addendum 8
My story shared here
I have not suffered drug or alcohol addiction, but early in life, struggled with serious illnesses. I had multiple hospitalizations and came very close to death at points. Many prayed for me to get well—and still, I was sick, struggling to stay alive. I felt like a failure and thought God was disappointed in me for not measuring up to some standard I wasn’t able to reach or comprehend. Here, I would like to share what brought me to Christ–and later to chaplaincy.
Once while in a Catholic hospital when I was 18, I encountered the Sisters of the Holy Cross for the first time. Although I was not a Roman Catholic, these nuns had a profound effect on me. They came, day after day—and what power there was in their presence. They didn’t talk so much, as they were good listeners. It was obvious they cared about what was happening to me.
How I was healed
Through them, I got it. My eyes were opened to see God differently. I came to understand that God was not like an earthly parent who could rage, be distant, authoritative—chastising in anger. Rather, I realized God is a loving, accepting, merciful Father.
In time, I understood that illnesses, losses and trauma were not a result of God being disappointed, or angry. Rather, I could finally see God as a wonderful, loving Personage who brought Jesus into
the world. Given time and considerable healing around the issue of God as Father, I gradually developed a whole different sense of
God, whom Jesus called “Father.” I could see Jesus and God as having the same loving, accepting nature.
Because of this new view of God, my faith expanded. Given time, I learned that suffering truly has a “redemptive” side, although that truth did not come quickly or easily! How wonderful it is knowing that God is right here with me in the midst of my struggles—pulling for me, empowering me to endure life’s adversities.
I did gain my health, but only through a process that took a number of years. What that involved is covered in one of my books titled The Chaplain is In: Journey to Health and Happiness. There I tell more about how to let go all negatives, watch for thoughts that are not wholesome, correct beliefs that do not align with truth—and honor our emotions. For me, this is about healing my soul, as well as healing the physical tendency of my body to form blood clots which were threatening my life. In the above book I include factors explored within a new field in medical science, psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) that fully verify how the health of the mind and emotions affect both body and soul.
One of the things I had to do was learn to forgive. This meant letting go the pain of the past. I learned that forgiving is a process. It begins with setting my will to release the person or the situation that has caused me pain. I learned to let go of it—and to give it all to God.
This took time and determination, but with persistence I gained relief from all that hurt me in the past. Forgiving those old wounds certainly affected the health of my body. Although the work was gradual, peace and joy were felt, making it like an adventure unfolding.
It was much earlier in life, however, when I encountered someone who was—and is—more important than the Roman Catholic nuns. That was Jesus. He came to my awareness at age eight, during a time when I had not heard of Him. Our family did not attend church and talk of God was not happening at home. Yet, for some reason Mom and Dad sent me to a Quaker girl’s summer camp. There Jesus Christ was introduced in such a loving, caring way that my heart was deeply touched. The building where we met was called “the Tabernacle.”
At the end of that first service an altar call was made. Any person wanting to accept Jesus into their hearts and lives were invited to go forward to kneel at the altar rail, which served to validate that decision. Love and appreciation for this Jesus came easily because of the way the speaker so aptly portrayed Him. I made my choice. Every night for the rest of the week, I walked down that “sawdust trail” to kneel at the altar. I wanted to make sure it took. Yet, I think those multiple trips to the altar were really about my wanting to experience more and more of that great love.
After that, outstanding changes took place in our family. My parents began attending church with my sister and me. Years later Mom and Dad became ministers at home and later traveled to expand Christ’s teachings in numerous countries. Two more siblings were born, and today each one of us is doing some sort of ministry with people who are in need.
The decision I made as an eight-year-old was the most significant event of my life. God’s mercy and grace have become more and more evident throughout life as I continue to place the Gospel of Jesus above all else. For sure, I have not been perfect. Yet, my goal is to stay on the path of seeking God’s will over my own, day-by-day.
My life experiences, and my failures, have taught me that this is the best of all ways to live. Practices of praying, journaling and meditating on Scripture have resulted in much healing within my soul. This has reflected powerfully in my body. Majorly, I learned life is all about how we love! And, love is the most powerful entity in the universe!
Growth will not stop as imperfections keep coming to light. Yet, as a believer, I seek to stay in service, extending to others the kind of love I’ve experienced from God and from others. I live
with a grateful heart, as there is no room for negativity. Every earthly experience is fodder for growth and change.
Where Does Chaplaincy Fit In?
From early in life, l longed to help people who struggle with matters of the heart, as well as those who endure emotional and physical illness. Becoming a chaplain seemed the best way to do that. Yet, it was not possible to gain the credentialing needed to serve as a chaplain until my family was raised. So, during my 50’s, I began Clinical Pastoral Educational (CPE), a yearlong internship in a teaching hospital. Within my training I knew this was my call—and that the call was clearly worth the wait. Chaplaincy training was followed by Board certification after which I gained a master’s degree in theology.
Twenty-four years have passed, during which I have done both chaplaincy in hospitals, hospice and jail settings. When Dr. Leslie Edison called a month ago saying she wanted me to counsel patients who are on Suboxone, a medication that helps people recover from opioid addiction, I wondered if I was ready for this. The following week ministers referred two Marines for counselling. After two or three sessions. I felt confident. If my work was up to the standard these two men expected—clearly, I was ready. Onward and upward is the rule of life when we determine to be all we can be for the sake of making it a better world.
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In Appreciation to My Friends
To my dear husband, Gary Smith, I extend heartfelt gratitude, as without his patience, understanding and loving care this workbook would not be in your hands. I relied heavily on his outstanding language and innate editing skills.
A heartfelt “thank you” belongs to Dr. Leslie Edison. These two medical health providers tutored me regarding the role Medication-assisted-treatment (MAT), plays in saving lives. They came alongside in many significant ways. The contributions of Lisa Leach, Director of the Critical Care Service Line, Havasu Regional Medical Center strengthened and polished the work. It was Dr. Leslie Edison who called to say, “Joy, I am saving lives. And, I need your help.” Voile! This workbook! Thank you, Leslie, for being my long term supporter and “Inspirer.”
A great “Thank you” goes to my friend Wendy who is using her talents, skills and generosity to help with various website issues. She manages “the dark side” of things.”
I also wholeheartedly thank Pastor Mike Cardello, of Celebrate Recovery, Chery Kitchens, MAPC, Art Therapist., and Sarah Taulli, Producer at KNLB Radio. Each of these people have contributed from their vast stores of wisdom and experience while also extending reviews and supportive words. Thank you for your faith in me and in my ability to merge medication, scriptures and a lifestyle philosophy to promote healing helps to those who suffer addiction. To my friend, Mary Jo Mohr, you are a generous soul! Each time I asked you to read, you speedily complied. Many thanks to each of you. I hope you will share the blessing of this book by praying for readers to reach recovery and gain a renewed experience in life.
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Additional books by this author are available for purchase at: Amazon.com or from her website: Healing-with-Joy.com
The Chaplain is In: Journey to Health and Happiness
Why Not Make the Trip Worthwhile?
The Little Mountain Goat Who Was Afraid of High Places
Power to Heal Opioid and Alcohol Addiction Recovery Workbook
Hundreds of blogs and articles by Joy are free to use at the above website including the following:
Quick Aids
(These will open as you tap them)
Help with Granting Forgiveness
Dealing with Difficult Emotions – Finding Emotional Freedom
Tips for Teaching Children How to Identify What They Are Feeling
Are You Suffering from False Guilt
What Are You Ashamed Of?
“To Err is Human, to Forgive Divine”
Setting Boundaries within Relationships
More Help with Setting Boundaries
The Best 50 Minutes of Your Life
Have You Ever Wondered Who Jesus Christ is?
Journaling Exercise — Understanding the Defense Mechanisms of the Ego
Exercise – Determining Priorities
Help for Those Who Long For Peace and Freedom in Their Souls
Bedtime Prayer for Healing Life’s Pain
Scriptures for When We are Afraid
Benefits for Those Who Have a Reverent Awe of God
Scriptures for Times of Crisis
Copyright © 2020 Joy Le Page Smith, M.A., BCC
ISBN- 978-0-578-65182-8
Printed in the United States of America
Pathways to Healing – Ministries of Joy
FOOTNOTES:
[1] Sheff, David. “A Father’s Fight for His Son,” Special Time Edition, the Science of Addiction What We Know. What We’re Learning. Book Excerpt: Meredith Corporation: NY (2019) p. 68.
[2] https://www.samhsa.gov/medication-assisted-treatment/treatment/buprenorphine. (Accessed March 15, 2025 – found a shortened version).
[3] Firestone, Lisa. “The Role of Anger in Depression,” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201710/the-role-anger-in-depression. (Accessed, March 15, 2025.)
“[4] Firestone, Lisa. “The Role of Anger in Depression,” https://www.Psychologytoday. com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201710/the-role-anger-in-depression. (Accessed, March 15, 2025.)
[5]Firestone, Lisa. “The Role of Anger in Depression,” https://www.Psychologytoday. com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201710/the-role-anger-in-depression. (Accessed, March 15, 2025.)
[6] Although this scripture passage is slightly different in other versions, please know the New King James Version is otherwise used throughout this workbook.
[7] Lemonick, Michael, “The Science of Addiction, Special Time Edition,” The Science of Addiction What We Know. What We’re Learning,” Meredith National Media Group, NY (2019), page 11.
[8] Tartakovsky. Margarita, “10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries,” Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-ways-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/ (Accessed March 15, 2025.) Copyright 2020 PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved. Reprinted here with permission.
[9] Tartakovsky. Margarita, “10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries,” Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/ (Accessed March 15, 2025.) Copyright 2020 PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved. Reprinted here with permission.
[10] https://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/daily-hope-with-rick-warren/daily-hope-with-rick-warren-june-19-2016.html (Accessed March 15, 2025).
[11] Author unknown. A quotation in Ottawa University. Class notes.
[12]Mathew 25:40, “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”
[13]“Kluger, Jeffery. “Addition By Doctor’s Prescription.” Special Time Edition, The Science of Addiction What We Know. What We’re Learning,” Meredith National Media Group, NY (2019), page 45.
[14] ”Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much,” (James 5:16).
[15] Warren, Rick, “How to Take the First Step to Integrity, https://pastorrick.com/how-to-take-the-first-step-to-integrity/ (Accessed March 15, 2025.)
[16] Lemonick, Michael. The Science of Addiction. Special Time Edition, the Science of Addiction What We Know. What We’re Learning. Book Excerpt: Meredith Corporation: NY (2019) p. 8.
[17] For information on the Arizona Treatment Center, visit AZRecover.com
[18] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1852519/ (Accessed January 29).
[19] A brief explanation may help, here. Through the past 2000+ years it is the Lord who has been the refuge for many generations of people (perhaps to total billions in number). We call ourselves “Christians,” because of Christ and His teachings, which we attempt to follow. We do, of course, fail a lot, so please don’t’ be put off by the sinfulness you may have seen within one of us. This life is all about learning—learning to be who we truly hope to be. As Christians, we are working toward a powerful goal, one that is to become like the Lord Jesus Christ. Yet, individuals vary in their dedication. Clearly, with the best of dedications, it will take an entire life time “on the path” to even partially achieve this. Please forgive us for the ways in which we fail to meet this magnificent goal within our lifetimes. Clearly, the nomenclature of “the Lord,” was used in both the Old Testament, which was written by Hebrew scholars, as well as throughout the New Testament written by the first converts to Jesus Christ. It is easy to see, through this that both Jews and Christians put their trust in and serve the same Lord God of heaven.
[20] Newberg, Andrew. D’Aquili, Eugene. and Rause, Vince. Why God Won’t Go Away – Brain Science & the Biology of Belief. (New York: Ballantine Books, 2002).
[21] “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10).
[22] “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1, NKJ).”
[23] Christianity Today, https://www.christianitytoday.com/history/issues/issue-10/from-archives-on-christian-perfection.html (Accessed March 15, 2025).
[24] May, Gerald. Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in Healing Addictions. (New York: HarperOne, 1998.) p. 136.
[25] History of discovery and treatment of buprenorphine medications for the treatment of opioid use disorder, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10040330/#:~:text=5.2.&text=On%20August%2030%2C%202010%2C%20the,approved%20SUBOXONE%C2%AE%20sublingual%20film. (Accessed Marcy 15, 2025)
[26] Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”
[27] Frey, William, Langseth, Muriel, The Mystery of Tears (Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1977).
[28] Isaiah 54:17.
About the author:
About the author: Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. Her articles and blogs are read in up to 32 countries. Joy is a Board-certified clinical chaplain. Her four books are available on her home page at Healing-with-Joy.com where readers can view her children’s book –FREE– as a video titled, The Little Mountain Goat Who Was Afraid of High Places.
She has no “paycheck” but lives through the concept of “loaves and fishes” . . . which refers to Scripture’s example of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with only a few fish and two loaves of bread (the Great Multiplier).
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All rights are reserved. No part of this publication can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronically, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.
ISBN- 978-0-578-65182-8
Printed in the United States of America
Pathways to Healing – Ministries of Joy
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