By Joy Le Page Smith, MA

Board certified, clinical chaplain

Unfortunately, many of us don’t “feel” loved by God. Why? Because our lifestyles, our wishes or our thoughts go adrift. Our soul has a hard time thinking God could love it. Yes, we live in our skin and we know there are times we failed to behave in the way we really should.  Hence, there are ample reasons for us to have a hard time loving ourselves. Lots of self-doubt is present.

The reason people rarely feel they have done enough is because we easily succumb to false guilt. Dr. Wiesner, a psychologist friend, spoke to audiences often about “poor potty training.” None of us remembers that time in our lives, but our parents were like gods to us. It was most likely the same for all: we had a hard time ever getting it right! And parents held the power to correct us. So, even with the best of parents, we were set up in life to believe “we had better do it right!” Dr. Wiesner taught that our early parental experiences can definitely hold sway influencing current beliefs about ourselves.

Understanding brings hope. We eventually grew up. We don’t have to keep trying hard to “do it right,” hoping not to disappoint our parents. Now, as adults, we know when we are truly guilty. A built in conscience tells us that. But—for a fact, there is “false guilt” and it is false guilt that causes so many of us to occasionally wrestle with a feeling of  being “not good enough.”

We learn how to defeat false guilt by recognizing and then releasing it. Recognizing false guilt is the key to being free of it. Below is a list that includes a few of the tendencies undergirding false guilt. Recognizing even one of the following tendencies can help overcome false guilt that may hold sway in your life. It is possible to weed out messages within your thought life that support an unhealthy pattern.

  1. I worry daily about my actions, and my choices.
  2. I feel responsible when things go wrong.
  3. I’m always blaming myself.
  4. I’m often apologizing; saying, “I’m sorry,” often.
  5. I care a lot about what others think of me.
  6. I find it hard to say “no” to others.

Paul Tournier wrote in Guilt and Grace, “. . . . The only true guilt comes from saying no to God.”

Our first encounter with  false guilt came with “potty training.” Praying for God to heal those early memories can empower your soul. As adults, most of us know there is a power higher than what our parents weaved over us. After all, God is able to scrutinize our every move. This, too, can be scary unless we read God’s Word and come to understand what is meant in Scripture’s message to “fear” God. Many do not read far enough in the Bible, God’s book of truth, but instead give up on it, not wanting to deal with a God who is to be feared.

Yet, it takes reading the whole book while pondering and getting to the truth of God’s intentions and of His great love for us. In this way the Scriptures make things clear and can guide our lives. We can have a loving relationship with God, having gained a “reverent awe” of  Him–who is the passionate lover of our souls. Yes, He has expectations of us. To have a good life, we will pay attention to God’s intentions for us.  For He is the Creator and we are the created ones.

The Bible is full of the truth that God loves us. He only asks that we come to Him through Jesus who died to save us from our sins. Although innocent of any sin Himself, Jesus chose the cross, a place of torture and death, to be our Savior. When we trust in Christ and believe He died for us, we gain knowledge through reading His Word, which shows clearly it is not fear that He wants from us.

Scripture tells us, “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool,” (Isa 1:18).

For sure, God is a healing God and does not want us to live with guilt of any kind. He asks that we come to Him through Jesus and seek to know Him. This puts us on a path of learning, which brings us to what lies ahead: Eternal life where we will be freed from this mortal body and our sinful nature will end. In heaven, our eternal life will hold no more pain. There will be no sorrows with which to deal. Forevermore, God has great things ahead for us!

Author info.:

Joy Le Page Smith is a board certified clinical chaplain. View — FREE — her children’s video, The Little Mountain Goat Who Was Afraid of High Places, at Healing-with-Joy. com.  The book has questions in the back for family interactions. Multiple helps are also on her website for people struggling with varied problems.  Articles free  to copy.