A parent’s early messages such as “Come down off your high horse,” and “Don’t get too big for your britches,” can carry excess weight. For sure, siblings can be “good” at deflating one’s developing ego through daunting retorts.

Unfortunately, we are most readily prone to see and accept our perceived limitations. We deny or minify the fine, beautiful facets of our natures, thus failing to value the down to earth, home spun side of ourselves. Or, we could think of one’s self as strong, power-filled—and of great worth . . . a creature of tremendous beauty, or “Mr Atlas” with a brain to be admired?” imagine what could happen if that became a daily “mantra?”

After all, we gain empowerment by focusing on our gifts and our strengths rather than our weaknesses.

And, who is going to stand up for our strengths unless we see and find them in ourselves?

Our ego is the aspect of personality that mediates between environmental demands, conscience, and instinctual needs to provide themselves with positive inner feedback. Unfortunately, many children grow up without much strength in their egos, which sees them grow up with more negativism about themselves than self-assurance.

This lays ground for developing beliefs like, “Life is hard, something to be endured,” and “It’s every man for himself; do everything you can to reach the top of the heap.” Such messages about the meaning and purpose of life are crippling.

Recalling, here, words of Scott Peck, MD, in The Road Less Traveled. He saw how grace plays a role in the formation of a human being. Without the grace of God, many with fragile, wounded egos would have perished along the way. Fortunately, God gets involved. Every time our Creator finds us in even the slightest listening stance He wants us to know we have a lot to offer—and that life is an exciting adventure, meant to be enjoyed. We are meant to explore and find meaningful service, making our own path “a road less traveled,” while on this journey of life on earth.

John Powell, S.J., in Fully Human Fully Alive, writes of the importance of correcting our “life vision,” replacing misconceptions of reality formed in early stages of growth. It takes work, but we are up for it.

Powell writes that identifying the misconceptions that affect our view of life takes place when we follow negative emotions back to their source.  Ask, “What basic belief lies behind the feeling I am having?” Honestly facing our true inner moorings means we resist thoughts like, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Otherwise, the tendency to gulp down our feelings is pervasive and doing so, long-term, can make us sick.

It takes valuing one’s self to develop the best self-esteem we can muster. Otherwise we hobble through life pretending we don’t feel hurt when we do, wearing masks portraying what we want others to believe about us. Having confidence in ourselves and who we are, does not come easily but it pays off hugely!

God wants to help us figure out who we really are. He speaks to us through nature, through people, dreams, events, and especially through Scripture.  Like in Joshua 9:1, “Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

He “speaks,” too, in the quietness of a stilled mind. Mostly what comes is a sense of being accompanied. There is a sweetness and softness as words are at times “heard.” Words like, “You are fine; you are mine. There is a purpose . . . a plan. Let me lead. I’ve got your hand.”

These are the messages that allow us to feel accompanied in life—and it becomes an exciting adventure. When we place our trust in Him, God brings understanding into the tragedies and the pain, which makes us stretch and grow. Our part is to leave spaces in life for reflection, solitude, silence. And, then to receive, and believe.

Through this process, the Master Teacher enables us to enter into true humility, where we honestly accept our strengths and our goodness, alongside our weaknesses.

God’s purpose is to bring us into wholeness, solidly into seeing—and believing—God is available, desiring to accompany us in this journey on earth. This makes it possible to become what Saint Irenaeus of the second century claimed, “The glory of God is a human being fully alive.”

Oh, that we might listen and learn all that the Master has to teach us.”

Carol explored various religions, yet said, “None fit the bill for me.”  She liked believing only in what she could solidly see, touch, taste and smell . . . along with what she felt in her heart.  So I simply shared the journey with her, offering prayer at points, which she did not oppose. For sure, praying helped me, in my determining to “walk alongside” my friend on this, her last journey.

Carol loved books and had great interest in researching topics, one of which was cuneiform writing. Discussing these helped occupy her dexterous mind. Pain was present.

We talked on many topics of interest, fairly often agreeing with one another. Disagreements came and went, but failed to slow us down. Carol was “rich”—not monetarily, for sure, but in depth of soul. Much time has passed, yet, I still remember her laughter.

As the end of her days grew closer, Carol showed me the gown in which she wanted to be buried.  She was a grand and beloved person, attending closely to the things in life that triggered her interests. The story of Carol’s last days on earth was published in our hometown daily newspaper, the Idaho Statesman, in Boise, ID. It carried the words of her family members, the hospice staff and mine, revealing how death can be when everyone pulls together while reckoning with the ins and outs of dying.

I was with Carol often those days before her death, even on the evening she left us. She knew acceptance was the key to moving through it. I recall being worried, though, as she decided being an atheist best described what she felt.

Weeks before her leave-taking I gave a note to Carol while sitting at her bedside. It read:

“My dear friend, tuck this away for when you are too curious and must read.

Just in case. Would you please say this little prayer to God?

“God, if there is a heaven and Jesus’ words are true, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me,’ would You please be there when I die and take me to your home in heaven?

“If I am wrong in not believing and you are there for me—I want to know you, love you and join my friends who have believed. If this comes to be, please have mercy on me and take me in. I just don’t have what it takes to believe. Perhaps you can yet bring it to be?”

Carol read the note immediately, then looked up with a big smile on her face, saying, “Oh, Joy, I have already done that!”

The laugh was on me; but today, I savor that moment.

At a viewing of Carol’s body, I sat alone in the room. Something unusual was felt. It was as if a golden glow filled the room. I thought of concerns that plagued after that last night with Carol . . . now wondering, was I as helpful to her as I could have been? Knowing the Scriptures well, did I share passages with her that could assure her that she would make it to heaven? Was I right in inwardly rejoicing over her response of “having covered that?”

Sometimes our surmising, when heartfelt, are all the guidance we need while seeking to discern something. Still, there were moments while sitting in that room with her body, during which I questioned, “Did I do enough for her?”

It is true, always within grief we experience some elements of guilt.

Many years have passed. Today, I think of the things I learned through relating with Carol. Sometimes relationships don’t end well. And, there, too, we meet with self-doubt.

And how do we work our way through self-doubt? By giving it room, deciding what’s true, and learning what we can from it.

Inside the cover of The Interlinear Bible Hebrew, Greek, English, with which she gifted me, Carol wrote, “Joy, Hope you enjoy this Book. I found your friendship very refreshing. Keep making good choices. Lots of love, Carol. Thank you.”

Within the golden glow sensed I held the essence of Carol and our friendship. My spirit was quickened by a Scripture passage, “Be still and know that I am God.” What a blessing it is to believe God takes us right  where we are. God’s love for us is grand—and knowing this is glorious!

And, it is not what you think.

Life Hurts. Yes, but believe it or not our bodies have built-in properties that help us with the pain.

Most of us know something about endorphins and have experienced “endorphin flows” through back rubs, soaking baths, exercise. Some even boast of the wonderment of “runners high.” Few realize the truth that our spiritual practices have been identified as key players when it comes to endorphin flows.

The fact we are “engineered” to transcend was discovered by three medical researchers, Dr. Andrew Newberg, Dr. Eugene D’Aquili, and Vince Rause, who shared their findings within a book titled, Why God Won’t Go Away Brain Science & the Biology of Belief.

While using SPECT MRI three medical researchers studied the brain images of people as they prayed or meditated, the doctors became enthralled with their findings. They found that our bodies are tailor-made for specifically helping us rise above what can bring us down in life. Our brains—and our body chemistry—are not only exceedingly affected by what we think, but also by our spiritual practices.

These medical researchers found there is a specific segment of the human brain that lights up “like fireworks” when people pray or meditate. We haven’t thought of endorphins as “opioids.” Still, it is true. When we have put some real time (say 12 or so minutes) into prayer, we are boosted into “the feel good realm.” No cost to it, and no hangover, or cravings to squelch. For some of us this can even happen while reading Scripture. Have you noticed how good it feels to sing, whistle, hum, or listen to music? Also, how blessed it feels during community worship. Think of the “high” times felt so frequently as a believer.

The research of these doctors was not instigated through or founded on any religious beliefs of their own. Their research was specifically based on studying the brain. What seized their attention and amazed them was finding the very location within the human brain that consistently lights up “like fireworks” when a person is in prayer or meditation. Of course, being scientists, a measure is securitized: This “lighting up” takes place at the 12 minute mark.

In 1975, endorphins were identified as a class of endogenous opioids. That means these are generated internally—and best of all, these endorphins have analgesic properties. This takes place through opiate receptors that are built into the human package and get triggered during our most blessed moments.

However, the good part about these endogenous endorphins[1] is—for one, there is no cost involved—and another fantastic benefit comes through the fact no matter how many endorphins your body makes, they do not lead to addiction or dependence—and never cause an overdose.

The National Institute of Health instructs, here, “All opioids, whether produced by the body (endogenously) or taken as a drug, interact through opioid receptors within the brain.”[2] Science confirms these are what relieve pain and trigger a positive feeling much like that of morphine.

Living “the way” that Jesus taught us within the Good News of the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), bring amazing ease to the troubles endured while living as a human on earth. It is now scientifically proven that when we persist in communing with God, our brains can bring us into an amazing place of transcendence.

We are marvelously made, as Psalms 139:13-14 assures us: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Throughout our days endorphins interact with the opiate receptors in the brain to reduce our anxieties and to ward off depression—acting similarly to drugs such as morphine and codeine.

So, “Wake up Little Susie!” as the song goes [“or Little Sammy”] Pay attention to what brings you joy in life. Is it exercise, relaxation—hot tubbing it?

But, by all means, explore prayer more fully—and follow your heart. Find what activates your body’s natural ability to release endorphins. In this way, you can go for the “joy juice” intended, and provided within your body at birth.

[1]“Endogenous morphine, coined by the morphing of the two descriptive terms into endorphins, are opioid neuropeptides which are naturally produced in the body that serve a primary function as an agent blocking the perception of pain and, additionally, present in cases of pleasure.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470306/#:~:text=Endogenous%20morphine%2C%20coined%20by%20the,present%20in%20cases%20of%20pleasure (Accessed 1-15-21).

[2]https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/how-opioid-drugs-activate-receptors (Accessed 1-15-21).

Her life pain was increased by the pandemic—now Christmas is around the corner. Countless people are suffering similarly. Having presents under the trees may not be the most concerning factor for many this year. We can thank God for food banks as they do their best to assure families are fed. It is an awesome time! So where is Jesus? And, what is He doing about this?

Following Jesus’ death and resurrection, the apostle Paul assured us Jesus is “at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us,” (Romans 8: 34). Intercessory prayer for one another is a great thing, but imagine the Lord Jesus Christ pulling for us as we tackle our problems and struggles in life—even those that are self-inflicted by our poor decisions that we make without having prayed for guidance.

He alone holds power to lead us to green pastures and still waters. He alone can turn all that happens to good. Even our hardest of happenstances are teachers. We gain patience, as we hang in there and master them! And, it is patience that makes us “complete, lacking nothing,” (James 1:2).

Our trials find us trusting God more and more fully. We become the hurdlers, leaping above the obstacles facing us. Our growing faith motors us, while also comforting us during the hardest moments. Kneeling, praying and asking for discernment is how we get through it when we hurt so much we can hardly bear it . . . and settles us when we seek to comprehend.

Methods many use to escape the difficulties of life, like drinking to gain escape is by far not the same. This is true, too, of using pills to surmount the throes of life. These cannot take a person high enough to satisfy the cravings developed. Consequently, many are dying through overdoses while trying to reach an ultimate “high” once again.

Billions of people over the past 2,000 years have found through Scripture that Jesus is the only steadfast answer. And, as the Apostle John assures us, Jesus did not just come at Christmas. No. At the earth’s beginning, “He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him, (John 1:10).”

John knew Christ as “the Word.” “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it,” (John 1:1-5).

We celebrate December 25, with many lights—in remembrance of when Jesus came to us visually to live among us as a human being in a body of flesh like our own. Why? To be with us and teach about the Father’s love for us and about a kingdom that is ours while here, one of ”righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,” (Romans 14:17).

Right here in the midst of earthly realms, there is this great and mighty kingdom of goodness (“Godness”). Jesus prayed to His Father for us, “I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world,” (John 17:14-16).

Father God allowed him to come here, to die for us and pave the way for our having eternal life once we leave this earth. God knows we are sinful—and He cannot look at sin. When He sent His son to be with us God was extending His nature to us . . . making it possible for us to take on His very own nature.

Our nature is naturally a “fallen nature.” All humans are prone to follow it. God loves us so much that He sent His only begotten son to be a surrogate for us. Jesus’ purpose was many faceted, yet majorly to die for us. He carried our sins as the Roman soldiers crucified Him. From there on, we have only to trust, knowing our sins are covered by the Savior’s blood. His blood is our covering. ”There is therefore now no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit,” (Romans 8:1).

As Christmas approaches, the greatest thing a person can do in life is to recognize the truth of who Jesus is, and to know He has paved a way for us to be sin-free as we believe in His name and put our trust in Him. This is “the way” we come to relying on the help of His Holy Spirit day-by-day. In this way, Jesus is with us now, and has said, “. . . lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.”

So, how do we have a “Merry Christmas” in the midst of the troubles we face? The answer is simple, come to know who Jesus is—besides the one we remember at “Christ-mas.” Reading the Gospels (the “Good News”) allows us to see that Jesus is here—able to live in our hearts, doing through us what can relieve the pain of others. How? As the Lord’s Holy Spirit nourishes us, our spirits are uplifted, fortified and enable. Who can find a greater “merriment” than this?

By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith, MA

Have you experienced thinking you had forgiven someone only to feel uncomfortable the next time you saw them or heard their voice on the phone? Or, struggled with no longer being able to see him or her as the loving person you once enjoyed?

There is a tenet in psychology called the “angel/devil principle,” which describes the common experience of thinking highly of a person, admiring him or her until such time as you are rejected or deeply hurt by them. Then, that person can hardly do anything right. All their future seesaw actions are seen through smudged glass. Where once there was trust, suspicion has set up housekeeping. This occurrence is subtle, often hard to recognize for the devilish thing that it is, and no doubt falls into the category of what the writer of Hebrews warned against: a “root of bitterness allowed to spring up and defile.” But what about those of us who are trying to keep our hearts disentangled as we continue to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?”

What is going on when we find ourselves wanting to avoid certain people? Maybe it stems from that old self-preservation instinct that promotes the attitude, “Why let myself in for more pain?” Distance is safety, or so we think. Yet, Jesus told us to pray for our enemies. How much more so for those who were once friends?

More often than not, we have fallen into the “debts” and “oughts.” One party feels the other ought to apologize, while the other feels indebted, having to live with the knowledge of pain caused. Jesus’ parable of the merciless official (Matthew 18:21-35) vividly portrays the results when forgiveness is withheld. Author David Seamands describes in Healing for Damaged Emotions, “. . . this whole debt system has been built into the human personality in a most incredible fashion. There is a sense of oughtness, of owing a debt, an automatic mechanism by which the built-in debt collectors (in the parable called ‘torturers’) go to work. We seek to atone for those wrongs, to pay the debt we owe or to collect the debt that someone else owes us. If we feel anger at ourselves, we say, ‘I must pay in full.’ Or, if we feel anger at someone else, that person must pay [or so we think.] In this way the whole inexorable process is set in motion as we/they are turned over to those inner tormentors: the jailers who work as debt collectors in this awful prison.

Jesus died to set us free. It is clear that forgiveness is given, when we ask, yet with expectations for us to in turn forgive others. The “prison” of all that inner torture is therefore avoided. But, when difficult feelings persist, does this mean forgiveness has not taken place?

Perhaps no one can speak on this more aptly than Corrie ten Boom, who was imprisoned in Auschwitz, a Nazi extermination camp. There, her father and sister died as this Dutch family suffered punishment for their efforts to help Jews during World War II. In her book, The Hiding Place, she wrote of the difficulties in trying to forgive one of the guards who had been extremely cruel. Later, in Tramp for God, she wrote these helpful words: “Up in the church tower is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First “ding,” then “dong.” Slower and slower until there’s a final “dong” and it stops. The same is true of forgiveness. When we forgive someone, we must take our hand off the rope. But, if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised when the old angry thoughts keep coming up for a while. They’re just the “ding-dongs” of the old bell slowing down.”

How strengthening it is to know those old feelings are only echoes. Ones which in time will die out. “Peace, be still. It is forgiven,” can serve as a gentle reminder to keep our hands off the “rope” when old angers surface.

Herein lies the element of patience with ourselves for being human and with the process, giving it time. Meanwhile, if the heart pounds and feelings soar in the presence of that “certain person,” we are not alone. Christ stands there between us watching the struggle, waiting for us to call for His help.

Author info. Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. She is reaching readers with her books and websites in up to 32 countries. View her children’s book as a FREE video at healingwithjoy.blogspot.com as well as they many helpful articles on this site addressing life’s difficulties.