By Joy Le Page Smith, MA, BCC

We all have experienced nudgings to write a “word of thanks” or one which carries encouragement. That happened to me recently after reading the article in Today’s News-Herald that featured Jean Bishop’s reflections after 30 years of public service.

There was a lot on my plate that day, yet the article seemed to warrant taking time to thank this woman who has helped so many through her career as a Mohave County Supervisor. After a little push to clear my desk saw me putting words to paper.

What surprised me was Jean Bishop’s immediate response saying she was moved emotionally by my note. She spoke of having shared it on her social media page. Jean called saying, “I took the liberty to put your letter on my Facebook page. I hope you are okay with that.”

I said, “Sure, no problem”–then asked Jean how she would feel about this interaction being shared with others. She responded, “Please do as I was deeply touched by your message.” Based on Jean’s “Okay,” here is my note to her:

Dear Jean Bishop, today, you need flowers and beautiful cards. I hope and pray these come to you.

It sounds like your retirement will be great. Please be well–and “go for the gusto!” I want to also thank you for being honest in the article of July 31.  It allows me to know pain and ingratitude came your way. I am sorry for that. People are afraid these days. This is probably truer now than ever. And anger, along with hurt, are present for many people, in varying degrees, while experiencing fear. At the bottom of hurt and anger is fear. So, pat yourself on the back for hanging in there with a career of working with people who can go off the chart with their hurt/anger/fear to the point of wanting someone else to hurt. Of course sometimes we all encounter people who enjoy hurting others as it makes them feel less afraid, more able to handle their sense of being “a loser” or “less than.” Forgiving them can be hard, but it is surely a salve for the soul once we can do it. Jesus said, “Pray for your enemies,” No doubt He knew the healing effect that comes to us when we do so. (It is a hard thing to do…for most of us.)

The Lord bless you and keep you, Jean, as you go forward. And, if you ever want to talk, please call…leaving a message for me so I can reach you in return.

En fin–What a good soldier you have been! Let the truth of your good work soak your soul, leaving no room for former “hassles.”

In appreciation, Joy

Pictured above is Jean Bishop with her beloved poodle.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if readers, today, would feel the urge to write a note of appreciation to one of our leaders during this election time, which appears to be creating a lot of angst with the oncoming “changing of the guards?” Let’s show these dedicated people that there is more “out there” than accusations and attacks. Let’s open our hearts and extend kindness and appreciation to those who have worked hoping to bring better services to Mohave County.

About the author: Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. Her articles and blogs are read in 32 countries. Joy’s four books are available on her home page at Healing-with-Joy.com where readers can view her children’s book titled, The Little Mountain Goat Who Was Afraid of High Places.

Why do the work it takes to forgive?

1. We begin to feel better, as we have less emotional pain to manage in our daily lives.
2. Our relationships have potential to change.
3. We physically release the toxicity that builds up in our cells due to emotional anguish. Hurt, sadness, fear, anger, and bitterness held within does, over time, affect our health. Forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and our poor choices releases the guilt that can do a nasty number on our health.
4. We feel the “atta girl” or “atta boy” over doing what God asks of us. This places us in the Creator’s will and brings a satisfying feeling to our souls. This emotion promotes health: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Points to consider as regards forgiving

1. Some people think forgiving shows weakness. The opposite is true. It takes a great deal of strength to forgive some people.  And, it takes considerable determination and strength to forgive some things that have happened to us.
2. People often think forgiving means they are condoning bad, hurtful, or spiteful behaviors. The truth is that forgiving a person does not mean the behavior is accepted; not at all. To forgive is to release your soul from the difficult emotions that result when you are hurt or harmed.  It means you let God be God.  This frees God to work on the person or people involved, especially when you pray for them.  Jesus taught not only to forgive, but also to pray for our enemies.  To forgive means setting yourself free of emotional bondage.
3. Forgiving is a process. Initially, we set our will to forgive. Later, when old memories surface, or something current reminds us of what happened in the past, we deal with the feelings of hurt, anger, and fear that arise.  This takes getting clear about what is at the base of the feelings.  Then we tell God, “I give you these emotions.  I release them to you.  I have forgiven this.”  The process takes as long as it takes.  We have to be patient with ourselves, doing the work as many times as it becomes necessary.
4. The grace of God fills the soul of a person who determines to forgive all that has hurt or harmed him or her. This brings to us “the peace that passes understanding.” Aside from living in God’s will, nothing else in life can bring this level of peace.  We accept God’s peace, even when we cannot understand that peace can exist within difficult circumstances.
5. We are not asked to forgive others because God demands obedience. God asks us to forgive others, even our enemies, because we are loved. God wants us to have the best possible life!

The bottom line as regards forgiveness

To have the ultimate in life, means we will seek to live in the kingdom of God.  Ours is a spiritual kingdom that Jesus brought to us through His teachings.  This kingdom presents a very different way of living from the way usually seen within the world.  The kingdom of God is all about loving and being loved.  It is about being led by a heart filled with God’s Holy Spirit.  This state-of-being sees us doing good for our families, and finding ways to serve others through using our gifts, our talents.  While making the lives of others better, we are benefiting as well.  The joy of the Lord becomes a growing entity in our souls!

www.healinglifespain.com

The above website holds many additional articles by Joy Le Page Smith for finding help with spiritual and emotional pain.

By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith, MA

Phil, 14 was just a kid. He was quiet, polite and a good student. No one could know what was ahead or how he would change lives—until the day the call came. “Hello, Joy. Have you heard about Janet?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“It is all over the news. Your friend Janet was murdered. Her kid killed her.”

I screamed and dropped the phone. As weeks and months came and went, grief took my days. A gnawing/griping depression settled in and required professional help before I could manage a semblance of normality.

Phil’s mother and I had been close friends for ten years. She was raising Phil alone, as his father deserted the two of them soon after Phil’s birth. This little boy grew up among us and was loved like one of the family. I remember hearing him pray at our Thanksgiving table. Janet had asked if Gary and I would raise Phil if she were to die. She had a dream that found her obsessing a bit with thinking she could not finish the job of raising her son.

That was not to be. Phil was sent to live out his teens at a closed adolescent treatment center. There, with the time, space and expertise available, he came to discover what was true about himself. Phil accepted responsibility for this violent crime. Locked gates forbid Phil’s freedom, but it was obvious how much more painful were the shackles of remorse, sadness and fear of himself. 

Our talks took place in four-way, phone conversations while a psychiatrist and a priest listened. It was intense—and difficult. Yet, his words brought a particle of understanding to a crime so hard to comprehend. Phil told me of how he grew to hate his mother, early in his teens. At first it was resentment over a decision she made that found him fuming. Next came small acts practiced to hurt his mother, like not listening to her, refusing to answer when she spoke. Then thoughts of how he could hurt her more. This grew into his desire to be rid of her.

Preceding the crime, books and music portraying bloody, abusive behavior produced a mental track through which Phil lost his way. Child that he was, he could not perceive the gate to evil he allowed his mind to open, which ultimately unleashed such extreme brutality.

Phil is not shifting the blame for what he did onto the media, or the games he gave himself to. He said, “I was the one who did it.” He is characterized by his therapist as “honest and sincere.”

As Phil and I talked, there was great pain. Yet, time and treatment brought change. He was grateful we could talk and seemed deeply touched with each offering of goodness about his mother that I could extend to him. He said, “Dreams of my mother at night bring both comfort and agony.”

Once Phil was released from the treatment center, he chose not to keep an appointment set for our meeting face to face.  Years later, I heard from a friend that Phil was able to build a healthy life in a different state. He married and had a family. This was helpful to my healing.

Words do not display the depths of this sorrow, or the gravity of the crime that many of us in our community felt. And, there is a principle at work here that applies to each one of us. Every action we take begins in the mind—starts with our thoughts. In Phil’s case, the mind’s fertile ground resulted in poison fruit for which he paid dearly, as did all of us who loved him and his mother.

The greatest of all facts is that Phil found God’s forgiveness. In the midst of this horrible thing, he found the foremost and best of all truths: God extends forgiveness to all who ask.

There are many kinds of sin. And God forgives them all when we “truly” repent and turn from them. It is difficult to admit it when we are on a wrong track. But with God’s help we can do hard things. Millions upon millions—even trillions of people throughout time have told their stories of how the Lord has instilled the power to break strongholds of many kinds, including anger, resentment, jealousy, pride and bitterness.

Scripture indicates there is only one unforgiveable sin, “ . . . whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come,” (Matthew 12:31). If you think you have committed a sin that cannot be forgiven, https://healing-with-joy.com/have-i-commited-the-unforgiveable-sin/ for words which hold power to end that fear.

Decades have passed since the tragedy. It took time to reach the ability to tell it. Doing so comes from believing, for some, relating it will serve to heal. (The names of individuals have been changed.)

 “We need to tighten the belt, here.” Belt? His words bring to mind the fact I have gained a few pounds—and I need to buy a new pair of jeans.

Always a writer, the following thoughts, recorded back then, were found today in my jammed-packed files:

“Making money stretch seems impossible. The car suddenly needs repairs, a wisdom tooth decides to raise its ugly head, and an insurance premium is due.  It feels like the bills rule, here. 

“I just yelled at my teenager for leaving the front door wide open, cooling the entire house. Dollar signs are seen in red. Then, when asked to drive nine miles out of my way to take a kid home who had stayed overnight, the needle on the gas gauge seems 10 foot tall.

“Good Friday finds me less than in a prayerful mood. Discouragement has come to spend the day. It’s best I stop everything, read some Scriptures and pray. But now, to pick up the phone to stop the ringing.

“It’s my friend, reminding me of this being Good Friday.

 ‘Listen to this,’ she says,’ I found three Scripture for starting this amazing day.’ (She sleeps late.)

“I didn’t hear the second passage or the third, as the first verse struck a bullseye: “The wages of sin are death, but the free gift of God is eternal life.” Yes, everything seems to cost. Expenses do win, sometimes, when push comes to shove. But here, in one short verse I see the Truth. The greatest of all gifts a believer ever receives is the gift of eternal life—and it’s free! Given without a single fee—and tax free! There, simply to be cherished and received.”

Yes. This day we call “Good Friday,” allows us to once again rejoice in what Jesus, our Lord, has done for us. His destiny was known to Him. In a brutal process of being questioned and “tried,” Jesus was given the opportunity to defend Himself before Herod Antipater, ruler of Galilee, and then by Pilate, procurator of Judea. With both, Jesus chose not to protect Himself. He knew by laying down His life for us He would become our Redeemer.

All who ask for forgiveness from sin receive His merciful touch on our lives. Restoration, lasting peace, joy and righteous living result.

Jesus said to look at the way the birds are cared for and to observe how beautifully the flowers are clothed. He promised to provide for us as we learn to trust. Sometimes, I think He looks at me and says, “Hey, you of little faith….” But, there is a smile on His face. Love is felt. When I truly seek to comprehend—it is God’s Holy Spirit living within. Following His lead will see every genuine need is met.

It is easy to become so filled with the temporal—what’s going on every day of our lives—that we cannot “see the Divine.” Yes, there will always be bills, maybe more than can be paid. But fear, frustration and anxiety need not rob us of the peace intended, once we realize how loved we are.

Surely all the little creature comforts and all the things I think are needed will continue to take their hits, but God help me to remember all that is free: sunshine’s warmth . . . a child’s smile .. . a good night’s sleep . . . the love of another . . . my very heartbeat. But the best is yet to come. Eternal life. All because one Good Friday, many lifetimes ago Jesus embraced the pain, the sorrow, the desolation and chose the cross. All because of us—and what we really need: peace and joy in the truth that the Lord Jesus has done so much for us. Undoubtedly, He is going to bring us through!  

Carol explored various religions, yet said, “None fit the bill for me.”  She liked believing only in what she could solidly see, touch, taste and smell . . . along with what she felt in her heart.  So I simply shared the journey with her, offering prayer at points, which she did not oppose. For sure, praying helped me, in my determining to “walk alongside” my friend on this, her last journey.

Carol loved books and had great interest in researching topics, one of which was cuneiform writing. Discussing these helped occupy her dexterous mind. Pain was present.

We talked on many topics of interest, fairly often agreeing with one another. Disagreements came and went, but failed to slow us down. Carol was “rich”—not monetarily, for sure, but in depth of soul. Much time has passed, yet, I still remember her laughter.

As the end of her days grew closer, Carol showed me the gown in which she wanted to be buried.  She was a grand and beloved person, attending closely to the things in life that triggered her interests. The story of Carol’s last days on earth was published in our hometown daily newspaper, the Idaho Statesman, in Boise, ID. It carried the words of her family members, the hospice staff and mine, revealing how death can be when everyone pulls together while reckoning with the ins and outs of dying.

I was with Carol often those days before her death, even on the evening she left us. She knew acceptance was the key to moving through it. I recall being worried, though, as she decided being an atheist best described what she felt.

Weeks before her leave-taking I gave a note to Carol while sitting at her bedside. It read:

“My dear friend, tuck this away for when you are too curious and must read.

Just in case. Would you please say this little prayer to God?

“God, if there is a heaven and Jesus’ words are true, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me,’ would You please be there when I die and take me to your home in heaven?

“If I am wrong in not believing and you are there for me—I want to know you, love you and join my friends who have believed. If this comes to be, please have mercy on me and take me in. I just don’t have what it takes to believe. Perhaps you can yet bring it to be?”

Carol read the note immediately, then looked up with a big smile on her face, saying, “Oh, Joy, I have already done that!”

The laugh was on me; but today, I savor that moment.

At a viewing of Carol’s body, I sat alone in the room. Something unusual was felt. It was as if a golden glow filled the room. I thought of concerns that plagued after that last night with Carol . . . now wondering, was I as helpful to her as I could have been? Knowing the Scriptures well, did I share passages with her that could assure her that she would make it to heaven? Was I right in inwardly rejoicing over her response of “having covered that?”

Sometimes our surmising, when heartfelt, are all the guidance we need while seeking to discern something. Still, there were moments while sitting in that room with her body, during which I questioned, “Did I do enough for her?”

It is true, always within grief we experience some elements of guilt.

Many years have passed. Today, I think of the things I learned through relating with Carol. Sometimes relationships don’t end well. And, there, too, we meet with self-doubt.

And how do we work our way through self-doubt? By giving it room, deciding what’s true, and learning what we can from it.

Inside the cover of The Interlinear Bible Hebrew, Greek, English, with which she gifted me, Carol wrote, “Joy, Hope you enjoy this Book. I found your friendship very refreshing. Keep making good choices. Lots of love, Carol. Thank you.”

Within the golden glow sensed I held the essence of Carol and our friendship. My spirit was quickened by a Scripture passage, “Be still and know that I am God.” What a blessing it is to believe God takes us right  where we are. God’s love for us is grand—and knowing this is glorious!

An exasperating experience happened last week while working with an offshore tech about a software problem. Upon calling for help, the cue was looping; I couldn’t get a person. Then upon reaching one, he could not find my account. Forty-five minutes had passed!

People talk about “losing their religion. “Rankled, in the moment, I lost my perspective. Words like “d_ _ and h_ _ _,” were trying to surface. Yikes! I never swear! Now, my temper became the bigger concern. When I asked the Lord, “Help me understand what is behind this anger,” an old memory arose. Funny how early-life happenings can come vividly alive affecting a current situation.

What happened to trigger my anger and produce my energized tongue needed attention? But, first it was important to follow the advice I so frequently give to others: “Honor your emotions and identify old messages derived from wounds of the past—that can still affect your life.” Yes. There it was. The old memory had engrained a message. And, it was that message while working with the off-shore tech that forcefully came alive, “They didn’t care enough!” So, I am back to the drawing board for more inner work.

Once we get a taste of the freedom that comes with healing our emotional wounds, we are more inclined to invest time for dealing with difficult emotions and forgiving the past. Joyfulness results, springing up from the soul. 

The truth is this: We can’t reach our max in wholeness by putting a lid on our difficult feelings. Why? Because doing so also finds us capping off most of our joy as well. Ideally, we reckon with feelings that are difficult to handle, versus pushing those down deep inside. What a great pleasure it is to work through the pain and begin to praise God for all the goodness in our lives. Soon, more and more excitement, enthusiasm, gladness, and peace of heart are present. These are the keys to living a life of emotional freedom. We can live on “the celebration side.”  Voile!

Through the ages, wisdom has flowed to humanity. Socrates once said, “Know thyself.”  He knew well that “the life which is unexamined is not worth living.” Then, William Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true.” These writers urge us to examine our hearts. King David’s words, after he looked within, are common to my own. He cried out, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me,” (Psalms 51:10). The greatest of all wisdom comes to play when, after examining, we align our lives with what God wants of us. With God’s help, our hearts are made clean, and we are back on the ”solid ground” of righteous living wherein we respect ourselves, enjoy others, and abide within God’s intentions.

If we, as believers, can’t rejoice, but instead live and act as if life on earth is a trial to be endured—we are not living in truth. This world is only a brief part of eternal existence. Actually, we are just passing through. Life here, presents us with an opportunity to learn how to become more and more deeply involved with the Lord, our Creator. It is within this wonderful privilege that we hear God’s call and find how best we can develop our gifts and meaningfully serve the needs of our families and others.

Jesus talked much about joy, even as He neared the shadow of the cross. And, for sure, there is joy in the presence of the Lord. We can feel that joy and that Presence while reading Scripture. Within those pages, the character and wondrous nature of God shows up. We see that our Creator wants the best for us. We are meant to enjoy our lives and this beautiful earth.

Joy comes when we capture some of the essence of what God and His goodness is about. The Bible says us to, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil 4:4-7).

Contrary to what some people believe regarding a Christian’s life, God doesn’t limit our potential and possibilities. Rather, God vastly expands them.

We cannot avoid thinking about death as the numbers of those who die from the COVID virus are astounding. This fact prevails as we read the newspaper, or view the news. People are fearful—and this is not good. A study of muscle testing (kinesiology) suggests our muscular system is weakened when we know something is wrong for us, or we face a threat. It may be possible our immune systems are also weakened as we begin to realize the truth, “I could catch this Covid thing—I could die from it.” Could it be that we are less likely to become sick with the virus if we conquer the fear of it?

It is possible to make friends with death and come to live with the truth that death is part of life. It is said, “None of us get out of here alive.” (True, in a temporal sense.) One of the greatest mysteries of all is that we are here on earth for a short time and that none of us know how long we will have. This is the very factor that makes life so precious.

Embracing death, learning to accept it as a friend can make a huge difference with our quality of life. If we know it’s “there for us” as friend, not a foe, we are more apt to have peace and take care not to bring it on early. This is simply a matter of not doing something stupid, like racing a car or motorcycle at excessive miles per hour . . . or, driving while intoxicated. Of course, there are many other ways in which we can bring on death before it needs to come. Life is precious.

For twenty of my early years, I had a hard time staying alive until a surgery, a vena cava filter, was invented near my 35^th birthday. This was a miracle for me as it stopped blood clots flowing from my legs and abdomen into my heart and lungs. Now, my living long astounds me . . . when there is time to think about it.

How I made friends with death was through journaling, a practice that kept my mind on what I truly wanted to happen while here on earth, with God’s help. The Bible became my daily guide, allowing me to become more “spiritually minded.” Prayer flows easily and often.

Death became my friend by making it a part of how I live my life. Perpetually grateful for being alive, I celebrate life by giving thanks to God for the opportunities to help others on their journeys. One of the greatest of all blessings for a chaplain is to be there for individuals as they manage their fears in life and as they face death.

As regards handling the difficult emotions of fearing one’s end-of-life, it does no good to deny the fact that it will come. Dealing with that fear of it, honestly and squarely, takes a trust in God’s provision of everlasting life. Jesus came to be with us in order to provide our eternal future with Him. This world is our pilgrim-place. We will truly be alive in the “ever-after” once we are at home with God who created us. Meanwhile,” to be spiritual minded is life and peace,” (Romans 8:6.)

One of the good things that can come out of this pandemic is that most of us are living at a slower pace. Another, is that we see more clearly our temporal state. These factors prepare us better for “making the best of it,” while here. We can determine what we want to achieve in life, then get to the job of making it happen. Just be ready. Read the Bible daily. (Suggestion: start with the book of John, alongside the ministry of a pastor.)

Keeping one’s heart in God’s truth brings wonderful peace and comfort. “Always ready” becomes the best possible motto for life, while here on terra firma. What awaits will be glorious, beyond what we can imagine.

Years ago while driving down the road in my vintage wine-colored Monte Carlo—favorite of all my cars—I realized the meaning of “unconditional love.” At the time, I had been married to my husband Gary for 30 years. He is not one who easily says, “I love you.” Yet, he is one who shows it throughout every avenue of our lives.

As a child, my parents’ love was never spoken—yet shown through the ways family needs were provided: the roof over head, food on the table, clothing and supplies for school. Yet, I did not hear, “I love you” from parents striving to make ends meet. Instead, I learned I had “better behave.” The importance of gaining my parent’s good pleasure became eminently important to me. So, doing all possible to gain it, was my childhood quest. The message, “Love will always be here for you,” was not perceived by me.  No. The message that stuck was all about chores, being smart—getting good grades–and behaving. “You had better not mess up!” was the major message.

I did grow into loving, more than fearing, my parents as an adult. But, as a kid, I held more fear of them than any other emotion. Maybe this is normal for a lot of people. Or, maybe most children are hugged daily and told, “I love you.” We only know our own experience.

Finding love of any kind in life’s journey is the highest of all quests, finding unconditional love is a pinnacle that I dare to say few truly reach.

Our early experiences within childhood, are brought into our marriages. In my first marriage at age 17, right out of high school, the honeymoon was short. It was however, a brief experience of being adored. Whoa. That was a first. Yet, within only a number of days, I knew the hand of authority was back. The old fear of not being enough or good enough was fully felt. This lasted eight years . . . eight years of figuring out that living in constant fear was no way to live. So, the only healthy choice was to leave. The soul ripping process of divorce became inevitable for the sake of safety and sanity.

Four years later, I started dating Gary, I knew he was different from any one I had ever met, yet my early programming was so linked to “pleasing” others that I had an unspoken fear of “when is the heavy hand going to come down on my back.” Yet, that never happened. Still, that inner angst was there… expecting the worst. So, that day after 30 years of marriage, while driving down the road, I realized something about God that was actually happening in my life: unconditional love! Who knew it existed—and is real?  Finding it in a human form through Gary, allowed me to comprehend the magnanimous love that He has for us. I remember the day so clearly, while driving, when the realization came: Gary only saw me as good. My flaws, well—flaws happen. He looked beyond those. Then, I remembered something my father said after having a dream.

Dad experienced a scar-filled childhood. He, too, feared his father throughout life and was sure “that guy” would not be in heaven. Although, during his later years my grandfather had changed and was in church every Sunday.

As my father was nearing death he shared a dream in which his mother and father  were walking arm-in-arm into a huge banquet room—in heaven. He knew it was heaven, but he couldn’t believe his Dad was there. Then, within the dream Dad heard these words, “I only see the good.” Voila! Here is love—unconditional love. And, this is the message God has for us.

And, this is the truest and greatest gift of Christmas. God looked past the sin, the brokenness of this world, and sent His Son to save us from ourselves. Left alone, there would be no eternity with God for any one of us. But, Jesus came to us, knowing He would shed His blood to cover the tab for our mis-steppings, and all the grossness that comes through the human race’s self-importance and self-adoration. Now, through Him, God sees “price paid” as He cherishes His children. It is the all-pervading, all accepting love of God that has provided this truth for God’s children: He only sees the good!

Here is an amazing truth from John 1:5, 12, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” Now, for verse 12 of John 1, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.”

What a difference it makes to grasp this truth. For, it is the truth of God’s unconditional love that empowers and impassions those He calls—and we know when that call comes!

I would like to suggest a gift that we could give to ourselves with no cash lay out. No monthly payments hazarding 2021. Living in the now could be one of the greatest gifts ever received. It is something we alone can give to ourselves. And, doing so will benefit everyone around us. (Even God and the neighbors.)

Notice how ”the now” is where children live. Given the passing of time, most of us adults have forgotten how to do that. Life finds us letting that go. As adults, we are habitually inclined to press toward tomorrow, next week, or what we can make happen years from now. Yet, the habit of favoring elusive tomorrows with fervor and anticipation robs our todays.

When we are not projecting our thoughts into the future, we regress into the past. But what of “this moment”—as living is best done in the now.

Some hold a rather fatalistic view of the future, as Matthew Prior wrote in Human Life, “What trifling coil do we poor mortals keep; Wake, eat and drink, evacuate, and sleep.” Yet, life is so much more.  A 16^th century monk said it best: “Not where I live do I breath, but where I love.”

The Bible says we carry a precious treasure within these “earthen vessels.” This takes pondering to perceive the truth of it.

Jesus spoke of the Kingdom of God being within us, righteousness (right doing), peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, as Romans 14:17 explains.

It seems the glory of God is most fully seen in us humans when we are daily submitting ourselves to the essence of that spiritual kingdom. This exemplifies enjoying the now. 

Of course, living in the now, does not always mean our experiences will be joyous. There are other emotions to be lived—and when we are honoring and identifying them, hard as they may be, at times, we are truly alive as we work through them.

Notice what happens when we are stopped in the present, prevented from rushing into the future? This can bring discomfort to our busy days. We can get “antsy” while waiting in line at the supermarket or waiting in the doctor’s office. What’s it like when brought to a halt in heavy traffic? Could this be a time to hum a tune, sing a song, or visit a favorite memory lived out with a loved one?

Why is it that we so often seem unable to receive these moments as gift? These times can be used for seeing more fully what is around us, even to notice people in more depth, here and there. Sending a blessing their way. Why not send them some love? We have a lot to give, right?

Rather than to rush past this truth in our hurry to grab the next moment, let’s stop to ponder the length and depths of what we are doing with our lives. This can show us our true heart’s desire. And, within the process of this exploration, we are living into the present moment.

 In a way, we are all “one”–all breathing the same air, most likely each of us are waiting to be set free of “the wait.” Do we really want to plunge into future moments, skipping the now? How about savoring each day that nourishes the soul.

We had three sons, Ted, Tim and Todd. When one of them would bicker with another, I would make him stop and think. At times, when one failed to share a goodie treat, I’d say, “Look closely at your brother. He has a tongue and a taster, too!” This worked, serving to make the little “perp” think beyond himself and remember that sharing is loving.

Surely, each of us shares a certain poverty. Not one of us can be certain of a tomorrow, a next year, or even the “next moment.”  We have this moment—tis all.

Do we love ourselves enough to live into this gift of “the now?”

Throughout the day I turned to God in prayer, pleading for our country’s well-being and safety. I prayed for peace and to forsake my arising fears. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Trying to think about anything else was difficult as disquieting thoughts surfaced persistently.

“We have to own up to our feelings,” is a lesson learned through life and my work as a mental health counselor. Prayer became my best match for all the emotion felt. I was reminded to pray for myself first, then for all involved. Amazing the change that comes through caring and praying for others, while setting aside the tendency to be judgmental.

Anger is a challenging emotion. I like many others, grew up believing anger was bad, something to avoid, or at least hide. Feelings were denied, pushed down deep inside. The reasons for this were in part due to messages perceived incorrectly, like “If you are a good Christian you won’t get angry.”  Beyond that, to a child it can seem like “dangerous business” to show ire.

Unfortunately, in many homes there is little teaching on how to effectively deal with difficult emotions. The results?  The gulping down of feelings, which is hazardous behavior to both emotional and physical health. Ideally, somewhere in time we come upon the truth of Ephesians 6: 26, “Be angry and sin not . . .” We are expected to feel these feelings and to honor them by admitting the feelings to ourselves and to God. The verse continues with, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Here, we see God’s desire for us to let Him help us move beyond our anger, our hurt feelings, the shock and awe of dangerous and difficult happenings—and to do so before we close our eyes to sleep. This makes sense from a psychological stance, as in this way we do not let it settle securely into our subconscious mind—where it is hard to heal.

But what about all those early years during which some of us denied anger, slept on it, and let it creep down into the cerebral grooves giving root to bitterness? Is there hope for its safe release so we can be free of its affecting our future?

According to one psychologist, Eugene Wiesner of Billings, Montana who for decades taught workshops on “God’s Psychology,” the answer is “yes.” He explains that old, tamped-down anger must be allowed to surface and come to healing. How does that happen? By forgiving our enemies. And, forgiving everything that has hurt us in life.  What good can come of hanging on to all that old stuff? It serves only to burn the soul like an acid.

So, rather than to avoid situations that trigger the anger or fall into old patterns of sullenness or resentment, he advises looking at that old pain each time it arises, then setting the will afresh to let it go. That is forgiveness. And, that is healing. Life is a learning experience—and God expects us to mature spiritually as we increase in years.

Then when the battle gets hot, and much is surfacing, calling for help through prayer carries tremendous power, and can put finishing touches on the task. One many multitudes of people have used throughout history is “The Jesus Prayer.” [1]

Wiesner taught that each time difficult feelings are triggered it is healing to simply ask Jesus to succor us as we lift these up to Him. In this way, given time, our souls become free from all the buried wrath and sorrows.

He told of dealing with frequently explosive feelings toward one of his sons. Yet, after working for three years with his emotions and using the “Jesus prayer,” Wiesner found the patience and endurance he had longed so much to gain. He said, “I eventually came to love my son unconditionally.”

Through the years, I, too, learned that persevering in the hard work of inner healing, choosing to persistently forgive the painful happenings of life. This sees me no longer at the mercy of my emotions. Jesus’ taught us to forgive, even to pray for our enemies. Doing so may seem like a hard pill to swallow, but it is good medicine, as it brings peace to one’s heart.

[1] If you want The Jesus Prayer” go to my website at www.healing-with-Joy.com and click on “Quick Aids.”