Throughout the day I turned to God in prayer, pleading for our country’s well-being and safety. I prayed for peace and to forsake my arising fears. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Trying to think about anything else was difficult as disquieting thoughts surfaced persistently.

“We have to own up to our feelings,” is a lesson learned through life and my work as a mental health counselor. Prayer became my best match for all the emotion felt. I was reminded to pray for myself first, then for all involved. Amazing the change that comes through caring and praying for others, while setting aside the tendency to be judgmental.

Anger is a challenging emotion. I like many others, grew up believing anger was bad, something to avoid, or at least hide. Feelings were denied, pushed down deep inside. The reasons for this were in part due to messages perceived incorrectly, like “If you are a good Christian you won’t get angry.”  Beyond that, to a child it can seem like “dangerous business” to show ire.

Unfortunately, in many homes there is little teaching on how to effectively deal with difficult emotions. The results?  The gulping down of feelings, which is hazardous behavior to both emotional and physical health. Ideally, somewhere in time we come upon the truth of Ephesians 6: 26, “Be angry and sin not . . .” We are expected to feel these feelings and to honor them by admitting the feelings to ourselves and to God. The verse continues with, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Here, we see God’s desire for us to let Him help us move beyond our anger, our hurt feelings, the shock and awe of dangerous and difficult happenings—and to do so before we close our eyes to sleep. This makes sense from a psychological stance, as in this way we do not let it settle securely into our subconscious mind—where it is hard to heal.

But what about all those early years during which some of us denied anger, slept on it, and let it creep down into the cerebral grooves giving root to bitterness? Is there hope for its safe release so we can be free of its affecting our future?

According to one psychologist, Eugene Wiesner of Billings, Montana who for decades taught workshops on “God’s Psychology,” the answer is “yes.” He explains that old, tamped-down anger must be allowed to surface and come to healing. How does that happen? By forgiving our enemies. And, forgiving everything that has hurt us in life.  What good can come of hanging on to all that old stuff? It serves only to burn the soul like an acid.

So, rather than to avoid situations that trigger the anger or fall into old patterns of sullenness or resentment, he advises looking at that old pain each time it arises, then setting the will afresh to let it go. That is forgiveness. And, that is healing. Life is a learning experience—and God expects us to mature spiritually as we increase in years.

Then when the battle gets hot, and much is surfacing, calling for help through prayer carries tremendous power, and can put finishing touches on the task. One many multitudes of people have used throughout history is “The Jesus Prayer.” [1]

Wiesner taught that each time difficult feelings are triggered it is healing to simply ask Jesus to succor us as we lift these up to Him. In this way, given time, our souls become free from all the buried wrath and sorrows.

He told of dealing with frequently explosive feelings toward one of his sons. Yet, after working for three years with his emotions and using the “Jesus prayer,” Wiesner found the patience and endurance he had longed so much to gain. He said, “I eventually came to love my son unconditionally.”

Through the years, I, too, learned that persevering in the hard work of inner healing, choosing to persistently forgive the painful happenings of life. This sees me no longer at the mercy of my emotions. Jesus’ taught us to forgive, even to pray for our enemies. Doing so may seem like a hard pill to swallow, but it is good medicine, as it brings peace to one’s heart.

[1] If you want The Jesus Prayer” go to my website at www.healing-with-Joy.com and click on “Quick Aids.”

By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith, MA

Have you experienced thinking you had forgiven someone only to feel uncomfortable the next time you saw them or heard their voice on the phone? Or, struggled with no longer being able to see him or her as the loving person you once enjoyed?

There is a tenet in psychology called the “angel/devil principle,” which describes the common experience of thinking highly of a person, admiring him or her until such time as you are rejected or deeply hurt by them. Then, that person can hardly do anything right. All their future seesaw actions are seen through smudged glass. Where once there was trust, suspicion has set up housekeeping. This occurrence is subtle, often hard to recognize for the devilish thing that it is, and no doubt falls into the category of what the writer of Hebrews warned against: a “root of bitterness allowed to spring up and defile.” But what about those of us who are trying to keep our hearts disentangled as we continue to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?”

What is going on when we find ourselves wanting to avoid certain people? Maybe it stems from that old self-preservation instinct that promotes the attitude, “Why let myself in for more pain?” Distance is safety, or so we think. Yet, Jesus told us to pray for our enemies. How much more so for those who were once friends?

More often than not, we have fallen into the “debts” and “oughts.” One party feels the other ought to apologize, while the other feels indebted, having to live with the knowledge of pain caused. Jesus’ parable of the merciless official (Matthew 18:21-35) vividly portrays the results when forgiveness is withheld. Author David Seamands describes in Healing for Damaged Emotions, “. . . this whole debt system has been built into the human personality in a most incredible fashion. There is a sense of oughtness, of owing a debt, an automatic mechanism by which the built-in debt collectors (in the parable called ‘torturers’) go to work. We seek to atone for those wrongs, to pay the debt we owe or to collect the debt that someone else owes us. If we feel anger at ourselves, we say, ‘I must pay in full.’ Or, if we feel anger at someone else, that person must pay [or so we think.] In this way the whole inexorable process is set in motion as we/they are turned over to those inner tormentors: the jailers who work as debt collectors in this awful prison.

Jesus died to set us free. It is clear that forgiveness is given, when we ask, yet with expectations for us to in turn forgive others. The “prison” of all that inner torture is therefore avoided. But, when difficult feelings persist, does this mean forgiveness has not taken place?

Perhaps no one can speak on this more aptly than Corrie ten Boom, who was imprisoned in Auschwitz, a Nazi extermination camp. There, her father and sister died as this Dutch family suffered punishment for their efforts to help Jews during World War II. In her book, The Hiding Place, she wrote of the difficulties in trying to forgive one of the guards who had been extremely cruel. Later, in Tramp for God, she wrote these helpful words: “Up in the church tower is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First “ding,” then “dong.” Slower and slower until there’s a final “dong” and it stops. The same is true of forgiveness. When we forgive someone, we must take our hand off the rope. But, if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised when the old angry thoughts keep coming up for a while. They’re just the “ding-dongs” of the old bell slowing down.”

How strengthening it is to know those old feelings are only echoes. Ones which in time will die out. “Peace, be still. It is forgiven,” can serve as a gentle reminder to keep our hands off the “rope” when old angers surface.

Herein lies the element of patience with ourselves for being human and with the process, giving it time. Meanwhile, if the heart pounds and feelings soar in the presence of that “certain person,” we are not alone. Christ stands there between us watching the struggle, waiting for us to call for His help.

Author info. Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. She is reaching readers with her books and websites in up to 32 countries. View her children’s book as a FREE video at healingwithjoy.blogspot.com as well as they many helpful articles on this site addressing life’s difficulties.