By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith, MA, BCC

Recently a fellow chaplain told of her growing edge, admitting how bothered she can get at other drivers on the road. She said, “I don’t know why people ignore signs—or at times even the lights!” I noticed the intensity of this kind woman’s voice and realized her as a kindred spirit. We both fill our lives with doing what we can to help others know they are loved by God within their illnesses, and/or deaths. We shared the truth that sometimes we need support in our own growth processes.

Many years ago while in a growth group talking about ways to improve ourselves, the subject of our road experiences came up. I blurted out this admission, “If you see me on the road, just pull over and pray!” That was a great group. We laughed a lot within these conversations.

My chaplain friend and I admit that driving still finds us fuming on occasions at least momentarily. And, as we talked further it was evident we both have recently decided to care more for other drivers, and to pray for them, while sensing that old feeling of “hot under the collar.” Sometimes it helps to pray that “certain drivers” will get well deserved tickets before hurting themselves or others. Some people learn this way.

Growing in patience is challenging, yet it clearly leads to an Excellency within spiritual growth toward which many of us continually seek to advance.

Galatians 5:22-24, is pertinent, here. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Once I prayed for patience—and only once. It seemed God was happy to answer that prayer … as He knows how much easier life will be as we work on gaining patience (self-control, even longsuffering). Then several “new” challenges came soon after, that seemed consequential.  So, that prayer calls for added spiritual gumption.

Gradually, we learn in life that God is love and one of His greatest gifts to us comes through our caring deeply for our “neighbors–even our anonymous neighbors next to us in cars. While growing in our ability to love we become empowered to gain the nine fruits of the Spirit shown above.

For sure, we will not always remember to be kind, caring and patient—and forgiving–while driving the roads. Still, let’s not stop trying. Every day is a new beginning. As Thomas H Palmer (1840), put it, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

I recently took a new tack for being patient while on the road. I asked God to help me become a dedicated driver. Being a dedicated driver will see me choosing as I put the key in the ignition to be “good as gold” while at the wheel . . . able to momentarily shift gears–out of judgement of others–into self-control. My hope these days is to always care about what other drivers may be going through in their lives while asking God to help them discover that they are loved and with prayer everything can turn out for the good as they place their trust in Him.

About the author: Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. Her articles and blogs are read in 32 countries. Joy’s four books are available on her home page at Healing-with-Joy.com where readers can view–FREE–her children’s book titled, The Little Mountain Goat Who Was Afraid of High Places.

Years ago while driving down the road in my vintage wine-colored Monte Carlo—favorite of all my cars—I realized the meaning of “unconditional love.” At the time, I had been married to my husband Gary for 30 years. He is not one who easily says, “I love you.” Yet, he is one who shows it throughout every avenue of our lives.

As a child, my parents’ love was never spoken—yet shown through the ways family needs were provided: the roof over head, food on the table, clothing and supplies for school. Yet, I did not hear, “I love you” from parents striving to make ends meet. Instead, I learned I had “better behave.” The importance of gaining my parent’s good pleasure became eminently important to me. So, doing all possible to gain it, was my childhood quest. The message, “Love will always be here for you,” was not perceived by me.  No. The message that stuck was all about chores, being smart—getting good grades–and behaving. “You had better not mess up!” was the major message.

I did grow into loving, more than fearing, my parents as an adult. But, as a kid, I held more fear of them than any other emotion. Maybe this is normal for a lot of people. Or, maybe most children are hugged daily and told, “I love you.” We only know our own experience.

Finding love of any kind in life’s journey is the highest of all quests, finding unconditional love is a pinnacle that I dare to say few truly reach.

Our early experiences within childhood, are brought into our marriages. In my first marriage at age 17, right out of high school, the honeymoon was short. It was however, a brief experience of being adored. Whoa. That was a first. Yet, within only a number of days, I knew the hand of authority was back. The old fear of not being enough or good enough was fully felt. This lasted eight years . . . eight years of figuring out that living in constant fear was no way to live. So, the only healthy choice was to leave. The soul ripping process of divorce became inevitable for the sake of safety and sanity.

Four years later, I started dating Gary, I knew he was different from any one I had ever met, yet my early programming was so linked to “pleasing” others that I had an unspoken fear of “when is the heavy hand going to come down on my back.” Yet, that never happened. Still, that inner angst was there… expecting the worst. So, that day after 30 years of marriage, while driving down the road, I realized something about God that was actually happening in my life: unconditional love! Who knew it existed—and is real?  Finding it in a human form through Gary, allowed me to comprehend the magnanimous love that He has for us. I remember the day so clearly, while driving, when the realization came: Gary only saw me as good. My flaws, well—flaws happen. He looked beyond those. Then, I remembered something my father said after having a dream.

Dad experienced a scar-filled childhood. He, too, feared his father throughout life and was sure “that guy” would not be in heaven. Although, during his later years my grandfather had changed and was in church every Sunday.

As my father was nearing death he shared a dream in which his mother and father  were walking arm-in-arm into a huge banquet room—in heaven. He knew it was heaven, but he couldn’t believe his Dad was there. Then, within the dream Dad heard these words, “I only see the good.” Voila! Here is love—unconditional love. And, this is the message God has for us.

And, this is the truest and greatest gift of Christmas. God looked past the sin, the brokenness of this world, and sent His Son to save us from ourselves. Left alone, there would be no eternity with God for any one of us. But, Jesus came to us, knowing He would shed His blood to cover the tab for our mis-steppings, and all the grossness that comes through the human race’s self-importance and self-adoration. Now, through Him, God sees “price paid” as He cherishes His children. It is the all-pervading, all accepting love of God that has provided this truth for God’s children: He only sees the good!

Here is an amazing truth from John 1:5, 12, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” Now, for verse 12 of John 1, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.”

What a difference it makes to grasp this truth. For, it is the truth of God’s unconditional love that empowers and impassions those He calls—and we know when that call comes!