By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith

Have you ever trusted someone–thought they were your friend only to receive a dreadful blow as a result? Many of us, probably the majority of us in varying degrees, have been deeply hurt by another… maybe by a former spouse, or an abuser who took us by surprise and made our world seem much less safe.

God never asks anything of us unless it is for our good, our growth and enhancement in preparation for the larger picture– say eternity. “You have heard it said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies,” (Jesus in Matthew 5: 43-45). Wow! Imagine it! Such a tall order. Yet, we can succeed at “letting it go” by setting our wills to forgive that person (as many times as it takes). Otherwise, this matter can lie on our souls like battery acid. Therefore, the inability to let a matter go will continue to hurt us deeply.

So how do we “love our enemies?” The mere thought of “that individual” can be painful. Well, Jesus said to pray for them. I did this in two very hurtful situations within my life and found I did not think of it as “loving” those two persons, but that action no doubt was seen as being loving in God’s sight. That act of setting my will to “let God be God,” as per my being harmed, then to pray for my enemy to change—actually changed me—by giving me a sense of freedom.

Believe me, that effort took a lot of work to bring me to the place where I could genuinely pray for the souls of those two. This was not easy or short-lived. However my determination to pray for them to reconsider their behaviors—for the sake of others as well as for their eternal good–worked wonders. I could finally let go of the hurt. This brought strength to me once it was fully worked through.

You might ask, “How can I do that? I was brutally harmed?” With God’s help we can do anything. And we cannot hide from ourselves, saying “It doesn’t matter.” It does greatly matter to our souls! Being honest with how deeply we were hurt is vitally important. Telling our story to a counselor, a pastor, a priest or a rabbi is vitally important as well. This helps us to shove it up and out of our souls… given time, we can let it go.

The saying “let go and let God,” truly helps us realize that we cannot change what happened and we cannot change anyone. But God can.

Forgiveness helped me to keep telling myself that God was with me and kept me alive. Being alive is a very great gift… having the ability to finish my growth, becoming who I could grow into being is priceless.

Old memories do arise. They come back. I use a visualization that shows me kicking that memory (not the person) in the hinney, seeing the memory fly out of my mind. The unconscious mind is where healing is needed. That is the part of one’s mind that responds to the images we give it. On the other hand, our minds give us pictures through dreams, mental images and sometimes visions.

Taking the path of becoming all God knew we could be when we were first conceived opens the door to becoming a “magnificent me.” Yes, it works to think highly of ourselves. It supports our being as wholesome as we can be.

Try it. You will like it!

Joy Le Page Smith, MA, is a Board-Certified Clinical Chaplain. Her two websites are reaching readers in up to 77 countries. They carry many helpful articles addressing life’s difficulties:  Healingwithjoy.blogspot.com or, Healing-with-Joy.com 

Be sure to check out Joy’schildren’s video FREE. 

Sarah’s story, shared with me last week:

Readers are invited to share their stories here, telling of how you came to value the spiritual part of yourselves. Stories will be different, but please share yours as it could deeply touch and help others. We are three part beings: body, mind and spirit. Far too often the “spiritual” part of one’s self is ignored. In the story below that happened for Sarah:

From the time I was 11, I smoked weed and drank alcohol with my mom. In middle school, I experimented with LSD and mushrooms. At 16, I was addicted to crack cocaine and dating a drug dealer who was 10 years my senior.

Anesthetizing life’s difficulties through drug and alcohol use numbed any beliefs that brought honor to who I was as a person and how I wanted to be in this world.

Then came a phone call informing of my Dad’s death. Drugs and alcohol was all I had for numbing out the loss of my father. My mother also escaped through an addiction of her own. Soon, I lost her as well as she overdosed!

Lost and completely broken–and totally broke! I could see no way out. I had lost everything and was now living at a run-down dope house in California.

In this hopeless state, I remember thinking to myself, “I’ve never read the Bible—yet, I believe in God.” That tiny seed of faith, found me contemplating Jesus. Then, my praying grandmother showed up at the door of the drug house! I moved to Lake Havasu City and had a new start. God began a great work but my faith was tested. 

The demands of life caused a tremendous amount of stress. A medical professional suggested anxiety medication. After just four months of using this medication, alcohol found me again sedating further with heroin and meth. I was in a full-blown addiction, loaded with shame, guilt and hopelessness. I was in a black hole of despair being sucked further and further into depression. 

I needed a recovery program, one that would include and strengthen my growing belief in God. Teen Challenge in Casa Grande, a year-long residential program, was chosen as my Home of Hope.

There, the walls around my heart began to come down as I allowed myself to be vulnerable and teachable. I knew what was happening to me was a divine miracle. I came to know God truly was the one who could heal my broken heart, my broken life. Once I surrendered my life to Christ, deciding to go God’s way, this opened the door to my freedom from drugs and alcohol.

Great peace of heart came as the tormenting thoughts, guilt and shame of the past came to an end. Through the ministry of Teen Challenge, I was radically set free. I continued witnessing God’s power to change a life. But, then came the small compromises. Yes–I was tested. Truth be told, I could not make it on my own. I called for help—and thankfully I had the tools to get back on track.

It takes courage to ask for help! But that is where the miracle begins.  James 4:6, assures us, “ . . . God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Now for you readers: Do you have the courage to tell your story . . . showing what opened your life to the joys of a spiritual journey? WRITE IT!  The fact is Jesus changes lives! Theis is the vivid proof of Him being who He said He was: The Son of God . . . Savior of the World.

About the author: Joy Le page Smith is a Board Certified Clinical Chaplain. Her website Healing-with-Joy.com holds many articles, blogs and books for people who are hurting. 

By Joy Le Page Smith, MA, BCC

We all have experienced nudgings to write a “word of thanks” or one which carries encouragement. That happened to me recently after reading the article in Today’s News-Herald that featured Jean Bishop’s reflections after 30 years of public service.

There was a lot on my plate that day, yet the article seemed to warrant taking time to thank this woman who has helped so many through her career as a Mohave County Supervisor. After a little push to clear my desk saw me putting words to paper.

What surprised me was Jean Bishop’s immediate response saying she was moved emotionally by my note. She spoke of having shared it on her social media page. Jean called saying, “I took the liberty to put your letter on my Facebook page. I hope you are okay with that.”

I said, “Sure, no problem”–then asked Jean how she would feel about this interaction being shared with others. She responded, “Please do as I was deeply touched by your message.” Based on Jean’s “Okay,” here is my note to her:

Dear Jean Bishop, today, you need flowers and beautiful cards. I hope and pray these come to you.

It sounds like your retirement will be great. Please be well–and “go for the gusto!” I want to also thank you for being honest in the article of July 31.  It allows me to know pain and ingratitude came your way. I am sorry for that. People are afraid these days. This is probably truer now than ever. And anger, along with hurt, are present for many people, in varying degrees, while experiencing fear. At the bottom of hurt and anger is fear. So, pat yourself on the back for hanging in there with a career of working with people who can go off the chart with their hurt/anger/fear to the point of wanting someone else to hurt. Of course sometimes we all encounter people who enjoy hurting others as it makes them feel less afraid, more able to handle their sense of being “a loser” or “less than.” Forgiving them can be hard, but it is surely a salve for the soul once we can do it. Jesus said, “Pray for your enemies,” No doubt He knew the healing effect that comes to us when we do so. (It is a hard thing to do…for most of us.)

The Lord bless you and keep you, Jean, as you go forward. And, if you ever want to talk, please call…leaving a message for me so I can reach you in return.

En fin–What a good soldier you have been! Let the truth of your good work soak your soul, leaving no room for former “hassles.”

In appreciation, Joy

Pictured above is Jean Bishop with her beloved poodle.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if readers, today, would feel the urge to write a note of appreciation to one of our leaders during this election time, which appears to be creating a lot of angst with the oncoming “changing of the guards?” Let’s show these dedicated people that there is more “out there” than accusations and attacks. Let’s open our hearts and extend kindness and appreciation to those who have worked hoping to bring better services to Mohave County.

About the author: Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. Her articles and blogs are read in 32 countries. Joy’s four books are available on her home page at Healing-with-Joy.com where readers can view her children’s book titled, The Little Mountain Goat Who Was Afraid of High Places.

By Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith, MA

Have you experienced thinking you had forgiven someone only to feel uncomfortable the next time you saw them or heard their voice on the phone? Or, struggled with no longer being able to see him or her as the loving person you once enjoyed?

There is a tenet in psychology called the “angel/devil principle,” which describes the common experience of thinking highly of a person, admiring him or her until such time as you are rejected or deeply hurt by them. Then, that person can hardly do anything right. All their future seesaw actions are seen through smudged glass. Where once there was trust, suspicion has set up housekeeping. This occurrence is subtle, often hard to recognize for the devilish thing that it is, and no doubt falls into the category of what the writer of Hebrews warned against: a “root of bitterness allowed to spring up and defile.” But what about those of us who are trying to keep our hearts disentangled as we continue to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?”

What is going on when we find ourselves wanting to avoid certain people? Maybe it stems from that old self-preservation instinct that promotes the attitude, “Why let myself in for more pain?” Distance is safety, or so we think. Yet, Jesus told us to pray for our enemies. How much more so for those who were once friends?

More often than not, we have fallen into the “debts” and “oughts.” One party feels the other ought to apologize, while the other feels indebted, having to live with the knowledge of pain caused. Jesus’ parable of the merciless official (Matthew 18:21-35) vividly portrays the results when forgiveness is withheld. Author David Seamands describes in Healing for Damaged Emotions, “. . . this whole debt system has been built into the human personality in a most incredible fashion. There is a sense of oughtness, of owing a debt, an automatic mechanism by which the built-in debt collectors (in the parable called ‘torturers’) go to work. We seek to atone for those wrongs, to pay the debt we owe or to collect the debt that someone else owes us. If we feel anger at ourselves, we say, ‘I must pay in full.’ Or, if we feel anger at someone else, that person must pay [or so we think.] In this way the whole inexorable process is set in motion as we/they are turned over to those inner tormentors: the jailers who work as debt collectors in this awful prison.

Jesus died to set us free. It is clear that forgiveness is given, when we ask, yet with expectations for us to in turn forgive others. The “prison” of all that inner torture is therefore avoided. But, when difficult feelings persist, does this mean forgiveness has not taken place?

Perhaps no one can speak on this more aptly than Corrie ten Boom, who was imprisoned in Auschwitz, a Nazi extermination camp. There, her father and sister died as this Dutch family suffered punishment for their efforts to help Jews during World War II. In her book, The Hiding Place, she wrote of the difficulties in trying to forgive one of the guards who had been extremely cruel. Later, in Tramp for God, she wrote these helpful words: “Up in the church tower is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First “ding,” then “dong.” Slower and slower until there’s a final “dong” and it stops. The same is true of forgiveness. When we forgive someone, we must take our hand off the rope. But, if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised when the old angry thoughts keep coming up for a while. They’re just the “ding-dongs” of the old bell slowing down.”

How strengthening it is to know those old feelings are only echoes. Ones which in time will die out. “Peace, be still. It is forgiven,” can serve as a gentle reminder to keep our hands off the “rope” when old angers surface.

Herein lies the element of patience with ourselves for being human and with the process, giving it time. Meanwhile, if the heart pounds and feelings soar in the presence of that “certain person,” we are not alone. Christ stands there between us watching the struggle, waiting for us to call for His help.

Author info. Chaplain Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified clinical chaplain. She is reaching readers with her books and websites in up to 32 countries. View her children’s book as a FREE video at healingwithjoy.blogspot.com as well as they many helpful articles on this site addressing life’s difficulties.