With the approach of Easter, so also does Bethany’s birthday. Thirty-three years ago, this “little teacher” came into my family. Just prior to her birth a rather strange experience occurred. With very few exceptions, everything I purchased over several weeks seemed flawed in some way. Back to stores I go, over and over, toting my purchases where patient salesclerks make exchanges. This happened enough that I decide to pray, “God, this is strange. Is there message I am supposed to be “getting?”

What was to come was something I could not easily accept. I was soon to face up to my silly perfectionism.

After three sons and three grandsons, our long awaited granddaughter was born. There could not have been a more proud or happier heart than mine. All those precious dreams were about to come true in this perfect little granddaughter for whom I had waited so long!

Then came the call, a few hours after her birth, “Mom, pray for the baby. They think she has Down’s Syndrome.”

I was alone at home when Ted called, which was good. During the next couple of hours, God had “major surgery” to do on this grandmother’s heart. I was stumbling all over what this would mean.

Then the trip to the hospital where Bethany is placed in my arms. All that armor against “imperfections” was pierced by a tiny hand. Sleepy little fingers . . .  what healing they hold. In those moments, all is well.

Sure, pondering continued as I behold this newest member of our family. And, there are fears. But what truly amazes me is how right up to the moment of embrace I wanted to change her. Then the essence of her “beingness” reaches out bringing stillness to my soul. I recall, what inspired the Psalmist: “Be still and know that I am God.” 

Several days later, when the medical testing came back positive we were all fairly ready for it. But during the weeks since Bethany’s birth my emotions are doing some flip-flops. There is denial, anger and depression. I am concerned as to what life will hold for her. Then blessed peace comes in, verging on acceptance. I bounce about from one to the other. Fortunately, somewhere along life’s way I have learned the uselessness of trying to bargain with God, so I skip that one.

Many prayers are said for strength and understanding as our entire family makes adjustments. Praise and thanksgiving are also offered knowing she has love and acceptance in the home God has placed her.

My son, like his mother, grapples with many a thought, many a feeling—yet, he comes through. It is plain to see he will be exceedingly caring and protective of this little one.

Bethany, meaning “house of God” seems to exude love. Everyone clamors for their turn to hold her—right down to her two-year-old brother. We cannot understand God’s ways. His truth reaches deep, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

It is easy to see Him in Bethany, our “little one who needs a friend to live,” as John Vanier portrays in his work among handicapped children at L’Arche.

Wonder of wonders, each heart in this family has stretched like rubber bands. Now, with enlarged capacity, we can truly receive heaven’s great message … one of life, and of love.

It is impossible to know what is ahead. But one thing is sure. Bethany is perfectly ours. She is God’s extraordinary gift to an ordinary family. Only eternity will reveal her work.

People call it a “birth defect.” Although surely having passed through God’s Hand before reaching us, this circumstance is sanctified, bringing with it opportunities to embrace suffering with love. Bethany, one who is unable to speak, has underscored this message.

Peace and acceptance comes in remembering, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Within hardships, adjustments and unanswerable questions, it is how we handle these that tell whether or not we are living in faith . . . truly able to “be Christ’s presence” to one another. It is so easy to fool ourselves.

For me, pride can easily slip in, at points, insisting everything needs to be perfect. Of course being disappointed in myself follows, as I cannot be perfect. Humility comes when I pray to God, “In the midst of all this imperfection I will ever seek Your grace for the perfecting of my faith.”

The events of life bring attitudinal changes—if we are “listening.”

Fortunately, God is unlike the local merchant. He is more interested in perfecting character—than in having “satisfied customers.”

‘Happy birthday, Bethany”—and “many more.”

It is a day in which to rejoice.

About the author: Joy Le Page Smith is a Board certified-clinical chaplain. Her articles and blogs are read in up to 32 countries. Her four books are available on Amazon and at Healingwithjoy.blogspot.com 

Imagine living alone for most of a century in some remote region of the earth, then having an occasion to visit one of today’s cities where modern life is seen for the first time. What kinds of thoughts and feelings would this present?

This was Ragnar Jonsson’s experience. Jonsson was a fur trapper who lived in Iceland, close to the Arctic Circle. Two years often passed without him speaking to another person. It was the need for cataract surgery on his “shooting eye” that brought him to Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Accustomed to traveling by dogsled, Jonsson was amazed at speeding traffic throughout this metropolis. Puzzled as to why there are not more accidents he said, “They all seem to be in a horrible hurry to get somewhere and they burn up a lot of precious gasoline trying to get there.”

Obviously, our lives are quite different from Jonsson’s. Until the pandemic, we dwelt in the midst of an inferno called “hurry.”  Consequently, few of us were able to live in the “now,” enjoying the moments and hours as Jonsson could in an Arctic wilderness. Instead, most of our todays were spent reminiscing our “yesterdays” freedoms and plotting our “tomorrows” mini adventures. Looking back, this could seem as if we were settling for an odd sort of slavery. Spontaneity became difficult to experience. Things have changed. We now have much more time to think of changes that are sure to come—hopefully sooner than later.

We can plan our lives a little differently. With this in mind I think of June, normally known as the month of many weddings: a time of hearts linking—pledging their eternal love. Still, the vibrations of our times are sure to present challenges. Below are a few observations on what may promote the best chances for a marriage.

First, from the beginning, keep it simple. Slow down your lives as much as possible. It is not what you do, accomplish or accumulate that counts. It’s all about focusing on your love—and the goals that love can spin. Know that God is in your love; learning to treasure it, above all else, will bring empowerment to you as a couple.

No matter how hectic life gets, find time for one another. Play together. Courtships always start with play; through it bonding begins. It is strange how so many couples shortly after the honeymoon allow work to become their major thrust. Yet, if the fabric of life is to be laced with happiness, play has to continue.

When children come, see them as the magnificent blessing they are, yet do not let them come between you. The relationship the two of you have must be guarded as a sacred gift. Money budgeted for periodic weekends alone will surely pay high dividends in the long haul.

Still, the ingredient a couple needs most is a deep abiding belief that God has a plan for their lives—and that their “couple love” can make a difference in a chaotic world. Such a belief will present an inspired, undergirding strength during difficult days, which we all do have.

Contrary to what some may think, simply loving one another is not enough to produce a good marriage. But a couple that holds a joint belief that they are a vital part of the Divine Plan has additional inspiration in life. Christians believe Christ is a partner in their marital union. This brings the ability to find maximum fulfillment in marital love and goes a long ways toward avoiding getting confused, wondering, at times, what purpose there is in the hard work and sacrifice marriage and family life requires.

Another vital factor in marriage is that of keeping the lines of communication open. Much like weeding a garden. It takes continual effort and hard work, but is eminently rewarding.

A good marriage takes work, yes, and even more than love and play. It will ideally include prayer and a desire for God’s guidance while making decisions together. This means building your marriage on a firm foundation, one which will stand firm when storms come.

Building your house on the foundation of faith offers the best possible hope for marital permanence in the tempestuous days we are currently experiencing.

Even so, God is “the blessed controller” of all things.

Faith is built through reading God’s Word. So, hold fast to passages such as Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Take heart. God will be with you all the way! All you have to do is ask!

NOTE: This column was prepared by Joy Smith and her husband, Gary, who celebrated their 53^rd wedding anniversary last Christmas. Gary says, “We still play together and make one another laugh.

This site holds many helps for couples and families. View FREE my children’s book on my Home Page.